Lorne's Facade
by ShaViva
Summary: Speculation on the new 2IC began the day Lorne arrived in the city and refused to talk about his life back home. Was he running from a bad relationship or is the explanation much simpler? Because really, isn't he just too nice to be so determinedly alone?
1. Lorne's Facade

**Lorne's Facade**

Author: ShaViva

Rating: K+

Season: season 2, just before Runner

Summary: Speculation on the new 2IC was rife from the day Lorne arrived on Atlantis, more so when he resolutely avoided talking about his life back on Earth. Was he running from a bad relationship, or was the explanation much simpler? Because really, isn't he just too nice to be so determinedly alone?

Classifications: Romance

Spoilers for: nothing specific.

Disclaimer: I am unfortunately not associated in any way with the creators, owners, or producers of Stargate or any of its media franchises, which is obvious because one - SGA would still be on; and two - Lorne would be there ALL the time! All publicly recognizable characters, settings, equipment, etc are the property of whoever owns them. Any original characters, plot, settings, and anything else I made up are the property of me, the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Copyright (c) 2011 ShaViva

**Author's Note:**

All these song fics have me listening in a different way to my favourite songs - shame on you **ladygris **and **Penelope the Perky Penguin**! LOL - seriously, I appreciate the inspiration. I was listening to a song yesterday and I started thinking about Lorne - nothing new there! Anyway, the lyrics suggested to me a totally different approach to his background, so I decided to go with it. Set just before Runner. The song is 'Call Me' by Shinedown. And I'm determinedly not calling this another challenge response because I blew the word limit times four!

* * *

******Lorne's Facade**

They were reassigning him ... to another galaxy. Major Evan Lorne tried not to dwell on the enormity of that - working in the Stargate program, going to other planets, had been enough of an adjustment. Taking what he'd learned to Pegasus, so far away it would take three weeks to come home, was a major shift. One that had him thinking about other things, about his life in general.

About Amy.

She'd been his best friend since high school, not letting his military life style, the months overseas along with the secrecy about what he was doing, dim their friendship.

Just the opposite.

Over the years they'd fallen into something more than friendship, something he'd refused to put a label on. He loved her, but then he always had, long before he'd matured enough to understand what it meant. He loved the air force too, loved his job. And now they were telling him he had a special gene, one that made him ideal for working on Atlantis. They needed him there, to fight against an enemy who wouldn't hesitate to destroy Earth after feeding on or harvesting every person ... if they could get here. How could he say no to that?

But how could he leave, knowing this time there'd be no weekend visits, only months and months where he couldn't even call, let alone see Amy?

The worst part was that she'd let him do that to her, he was sure of it. Amy told him once that she'd always be there for him and she never broke her word. She was the glue that held everything they were together ... she never asked for anything more, never made him feel like he was short changing her. But he _was_, because he hadn't made a real commitment to their life together when he'd had so many chances in the past.

Now it was too late.

He only had a few hours before he shipped out and he had to make a decision. But first, he had to tell Amy he was leaving ... again. Changing into civvies Lorne grabbed his keys and made his way up to the surface. The first few moments of the journey were taken up with getting signed out of the base but once he was on the open road and heading for Colorado Springs where Amy lived, Evan's mind returned to his dilemma. It was the kind of thing he'd always talked to Amy about in the past, but this time he couldn't do that, because he knew what she'd say and he was so torn he'd let her convince him.

"This is insane," he muttered, reaching for the radio and switching it on with more force than required, needing the distraction.

_"Wrap me in a bolt of lightning,  
send me on my way still smiling.  
Maybe that's the way I should go,  
straight into the mouth of the unknown."_

Lorne frowned. "What the hell?" he glared at the radio, the lyrics somehow tapping into his current problems.

_"I left the spare key on the table.  
Never really thought I'd be able  
to say I merely visit on the weekends.  
I lost my whole life and a dear friend."_

Whoever this guy was, he'd done what Lorne was contemplating. Only Evan didn't want to hand in his key, write off the only kind of life he had outside of the air force - lose his best friend. He didn't want to do any of that, hence the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he let himself consider it. As a distraction the song wasn't cutting it - reaching for the dial to switch it off again, Lorne stopped abruptly, the lyrics accusing now.

_"I've said it so many times.  
I would change my ways,  
no, never mind.  
God knows I've tried."_

Letting his hand fall back to the steering wheel he sighed. It was only a song but something inside was telling him he needed to listen, that he owed it to Amy. He'd told her things would be different, so many times, and always with the best intentions. When he'd been in training he'd promised he'd have more time for their friendship once he was qualified. Only his first roles had turned out to be successive assignments to Europe and then later Afghanistan. By then they were romantically involved and he'd told her it would be better, once he was posted in the U.S. He'd got his wish, but it had been the SGC who'd requested his services and he'd ended up spending more time off world than on it. He'd been forced to lamely tell Amy he couldn't visit whenever she wistfully commented that she was seeing him no more often now than she had when he'd been overseas, despite the fact that they were living closer to each other than they had since their teens.

_"Call me a sinner, call me a saint.  
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same.  
Call me your favourite, call me the worst.  
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt.  
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way."_

What was it they said about the road to hell being paved with good intentions? That's what his private life felt like sometimes - light and dark, good and evil ... right and wrong. And his eternal question. Was it wrong to stay with Amy because he loved her, even though he knew he wasn't good for her? How could she not hate him for that? For putting her life on some kind of permanent pause while he pursued his career, never taking the first steps towards a different future? Part of him wanted her to yell at him, to tell him to leave and never come back. Part of him wanted her anger to be strong enough to force him to stay away. It wouldn't change how he felt about her, but maybe it would change how he felt about himself.

_"I finally put it all together,  
but nothing really lasts forever.  
I had to make a choice that was not mine,  
I had to say goodbye for the last time.  
I kept my whole life in suitcase,  
never really stayed in one place.  
Maybe that's the way it should be,  
you know I live my life like a gypsy._

_I've said it so many times.  
I would change my ways,  
no, never mind.  
God knows I've tried."_

Evan was putting it all together today - how he'd stalled and stalled, thinking there'd be this '_moment' _when he'd just know it was time. There wasn't. Instead he'd fallen into a habit that was about living without making any real decisions, without really even thinking about what he was doing. Because the simple truth was that Evan Lorne was career military. He'd never said as much but it was an indisputable fact. He wouldn't be taking early retirement - hell, he'd hang in there until they had to cart his sorry ass out the door. Amy deserved to know that. For him the life he'd chosen was the way it had to be ... and he'd take whatever consequences it brought along with it. He didn't want Amy to be one of those consequences but, if he loved her at all, how could he not do the right thing, for her this time instead of for him?

_"Call me a sinner, call me a saint.  
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same.  
Call me your favourite, call me the worst.  
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt.  
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way._

_I'll always keep you inside,  
you healed my heart and my life ... and you know I try."_

"Damn it!" Evan slammed a hand against the steering wheel. What was God, the fates, whatever you wanted to call it, trying to do to him? He didn't know what kind of injury the song guy's girl had healed but he couldn't hide from his own past. Amy had healed him ... in many ways _she _was the reason he'd joined the air force. He'd been a few months shy of fifteen when his Dad had been killed in a car accident. Before that Evan's life had been all about doing whatever it took to get accepted into the academy. He'd wanted to fly, more than anything. Enough to give up a social life, to work every hour he wasn't studying to earn money for private lessons. And then his Dad had gone out - Evan couldn't remember what for now - and he just hadn't come back. When the state police came to tell them, something had switched off in Evan's head. Ambition, determination, resolve ... all gone, replaced by an anger so great he'd struggled to contain it. He had though, controlled the black depth of his emotions behind a blank facade that let nothing in or out. He'd checked out on his own life, spending hours alone wondering what was the point or thinking about the various ways he could express his anger and then talking himself out of doing anything.

He'd shut out his Mom, his sister, but he couldn't shut out Amy. She'd been determined and so damn stubborn. Yelling at her didn't work, insulting her only made her laugh, and when he'd told her with grim coldness that he hated her she'd hugged him. Just wrapped her arms around him and held on until her warmth had warmed _him,_ until he'd cried out that first rush of grief and despair. That had been the beginning of accepting that things happened that were outside his control. His ambition was renewed and he'd gone on to achieve what he'd set out to do. The only change he'd made was letting Amy in, treating her more like the friend she'd always been instead of a fixture in his life that he'd taken for granted.

Pulling up in the driveway of her small house, he turned off the engine and just sat, listening to the last strains of the song.

_"Call me a sinner, call me a saint.  
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same.  
Call me your favourite, call me the worst.  
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt.  
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way.  
So, I'll be on my way.  
So, I'll be on my way.  
_  
That was _it_? The guy hadn't even made a decision - he'd asked his lady to make it for him, said his piece and then left. He'd gone on his way but what happened next? Did the woman call him back? Did she say 'Don't be stupid, of course I'll wait for you.'? Or did she go on and find someone better? Did the man accept whatever happened as what was meant to be?

Could Evan do that with Amy?

Taking a deep breath he got out of the car, pocketing his keys and ringing the bell in favour of just letting himself in like he usually did.

"Evan?" Amy frowned as she opened the door to see him standing there. Her blue eyes twinkled as she laughed. "Did you actually forget your keys?"

"Ah, no," Evan watched her absorb that, her presence just hitting him between the eyes, down to the heart. She was small and slight, her skin translucent - delicate, although she hated it when he called her that. She looked like the sun had touched her and left a permanent mark - in her shoulder length blonde hair, in the blush of colour that always came easily to her cheeks, and in the hints of sunshine that seemed to accompany every smile. She was beautiful, more than any woman he'd ever meet.

"You're being reassigned," Amy deduced abruptly, her eyes going flat. "Come in," she grabbed his hand, urging him inside. Once they were in her living room, sitting on her couch, she seemed to brace herself before she turned to him. "Tell me."

"There's a base ... it's only been in operation a year and it's remote, _really _remote," Evan explained. "And it's top secret - no calls in, no calls out."

"And they want you," Amy's lips trembled and she pressed them together for a moment before going on. "For how long?"

"Indefinitely," Evan admitted. "I'd get leave back home but probably not more than a couple of times a year."

Amy's eyes met his and he could almost see her brain ticking over as she joined all the dots. "Don't do this," she said firmly, jumping up and turning her back on him.

"Don't do what?" Evan demanded, getting up and taking her shoulders in his hands. Turning her around he leaned down a little, trying to get her to see what he saw so clearly. "Don't do the right thing and give you your freedom? Something I should have done years ago, if I hadn't been so busy being selfish!"

"You're not!" Amy glared at him. "I never did anything that I didn't want. _Me_, Evan. It was always my decision."

"Well maybe it shouldn't be," he shot back. "You're thirty two Amy. What are you doing wasting your best years on a guy who can't even be here seven days a week, let alone give you anything else you want?"

"Is that how you see it? As a waste?" Amy looked down at the ground and Evan felt the way she trembled.

"No!" Putting a hand to her cheek he drew her eyes back up to his. "_God_ no - not for me. But you ... Amy, you could have so much more than someone who's gone more than he's here. Once I transfer that's gonna get so much worse."

"I don't want more," Amy said firmly.

"Well I do," Evan said sadly. "For you, I do. I want you to have someone who's here all the time, who can give you children, and support, and a future. Someone who'll put you first, who'll love you like you deserve to be loved."

"And that's not you," Amy commented blankly.

"No," Evan admitted starkly. This time he was the one to turn away, before he gave away how much it pained him to say it. Before he lost it from looking at her and seeing everything he couldn't have but suddenly wanted more than anything. "I'm leaving tomorrow and it'll be months before I can get back here. I can't ask you to wait for me, not this time."

"Evan," Amy put a hand on his back, soothing him. How did she do that? _He _was the one who'd come in with no warning and dumped his crap on her, and yet _she_ was comforting him. "I just have one small question and then I'll tell you how I see this, okay?"

"Only one?" he turned, forcing a small smile as he looked at her. "Go on then ... ask your question."

"Do you love me?"

Evan's eyes locked with Amy's and he found that he couldn't look away. She saw through him - it wouldn't matter what he said because she knew the truth. "That was a low blow," he said grimly.

"Just answer the question."

"Fine, okay, yes I love you. I always have - since I was fifteen and you helped me deal with what happened to my Dad - it just took me too long to realise it. But it's not enough Amy - you have to see that!"

"I have _never _asked you to change for me Evan," Amy said forcefully. "Because to me it _is _enough ... having you in my life is enough. It's not like you're leaving me to go and gamble, or to slave at something insignificant or selfish. You're fighting for our country which means you're fighting for _me_. If anyone deserves to have someone wait for them, it's you."

"You'd see it differently if I just let you go," Evan persisted. "We've been at this for so many years Amy - if you had a chance to see what life is like without my presence hovering in the background you'd realise you could be happier."

"Not without you," Amy smiled then, surprising him again. "You're all I've wanted since I was old enough to appreciate that boys are different from girls. I was patient through all those years when you were too blind to see we could be more than friends. I went into this eyes wide open Evan - and I did everything in my power to catch you. You can bet your flyboy ass I'm not letting go now."

She made it sound like their relationship was some kind of battle campaign she'd waged. "But what about marriage - children - don't you want that too?" Lorne didn't like the way she'd clouded his thinking, exactly as he'd known she would. He should have sent her a message or something, impersonal as that was. He was kidding himself though - even then she would have found a way to confront him.

"Yes," Amy said simply, "but only if I can have them with you. Look, I know time is getting away from us a little here. I would have said something sooner if I'd known they could send you somewhere so isolated I couldn't talk to you. So, come and sit down, and I'll tell you what we're going to do."

"You know, you're pretty scary when you get all purposeful and strategic," Evan muttered, letting her take his hand and draw him back to the couch.

"A girl needs to do whatever it takes to keep her man," Amy teased. Pausing a moment she looked at him and then smiled sadly. "We stay together. You go wherever it is they're sending you," she held up a hand when he began a protest. "You write me lots of mushy letters telling me how much you love me, and I do the same."

He smiled, nodding, watching her intently as she took a deep breath. "And when you come home on leave, you marry me. You knock me up quick smart before you go back and then ...," she trailed off wistfully.

"And then you have a baby all by yourself?" Evan asked gently.

"If that's what it takes, yes," Amy agreed. "Hopefully they'll let you come home for that part. We have our family as soon as we can because it's the only part I can't put on hold. And then we have something precious for our future, for the time when you move on from this phase of your life and return somewhere I _can _follow."

"If I really love you Amy, how can I let you do that?" Evan took her hands, caressing the back of one of them with his thumb, his thoughts focussed internally. "How can I let you sign up for such a lonely existence - never having anyone here to share the burden or just offer you support when you really need it?" He didn't add that he wasn't sure it was in him to not be there for his children ... to miss things he'd never be able to get back.

"You're not letting me do anything," Amy said softly. "I have friends, and your Mom will help too. Besides, you make it seem like as soon as you're out of the picture I'll just go out and find someone else. I _won't_. I love you Evan ... and I knew a long time ago it was a forever thing. Whether you leave me today and never come back or whether you agree with my plan, this is the life I'll have. I'd rather have the promise of a life together in the future than nothing at all."

Evan sat, his mind racing from one thought to another and back again. Sinner or saint? The worst kind of man or the best? Selfless or selfish? Was it even about right or wrong?

As he thought, aware that Amy watched him patiently, the truth swept through him. It was _neither_. There was no right or wrong for them - there was just their life, together. It wasn't the one most people aspired to, but Amy was right. He could go to Atlantis tomorrow and never come back and it wouldn't change how he felt. Why should he think she was different? And suddenly he felt lucky instead of tormented by his circumstances. He'd found someone to love completely, and the miracle was that Amy loved him in the same way.

Smiling, he dropped off the couch onto one knee, amused when she frowned at him, clearly confused. '_Yeah, this isn't going according to your plan, is it honey_?' he thought. Taking her hand he waited until she was looking into his eyes. "I love you Amy and it would make my life complete if you'd agree to marry me," he said simply, knowing it wouldn't matter to her that he didn't have a ring.

"_Oh_," Amy sighed, her eyes filling with tears. Laughing suddenly, she threw herself into his arms, knocking them both to the carpet. Rolling on top of him she pressed enthusiastic kisses to his lips, his cheeks, his chin. "Yes," she declared repeatedly.

Evan wrapped his arms around her, holding on even as he let himself get swept away on a tide of emotion. He wasn't fooling himself - it would be hard being separated, not knowing from one day to the next what was going on back home. Once they were married and a family on the way that would only get worse. But they'd weathered similar and come out strong enough to keep going. They would keep doing so – until he was needed back on Earth again on a permanent basis.

He'd come there to do the right thing by Amy and ended up finding a path for both of them, _together_. The option of leaving for her own good was gone now - he'd risked losing her and there was no way he would give either of them a second chance to mess up what they had.

* * *

The next day he boarded the Daedalus bound for Atlantis. The enlisted marines were laughing, teasing each other about 'getting some action' once they'd checked out the pickings at their new post. Lorne smirked slightly - that kind of thing had never been for him. He was a one woman man and that woman was Amy.

"You got a girl Sir?" one of the marines queried, emboldened by the audience of his peers.

Lorne shrugged evasively, thinking about the framed photo that was going on his bedside table. Yes, he had a girl, but he didn't want to share that fact with anyone, and not just because it would raise additional questions he didn't want to answer. He had to hold Amy close to his heart, make her his most closely guarded secret, or the separation would get to him too much. He wasn't sure how effective it would be, or how he was going to deal with not even being able to talk to her on a regular basis. Only time would tell.

One thing Lorne knew for sure though - that song had been wrong. Some things did last forever.

**The End  
**


	2. Behind the facade

**Author's Note:**

I should have known I couldn't keep this as a one shot! Another song jumped out and grabbed me and I caved - but I'm not calling this a song fic because it's kind of incidental to the chapter. This starts out during S02E05 'Condemned'. The song is 'This Old Love' by Lior - you can find it on YouTube but Lior has an awesome website (lior dot com dot au): click on Songs at the bottom of the home page. In the top left hand corner of that page is a drop down list of songs you can just play, including This Old Love. Oh, and I know I haven't gotten to review replies for the first chapter of this yet - I will, but in the mean time thank you to those who reviewed. Your comments kept this idea at the forefront of my mind, and look what happened - more story!

**Chapter 2: Behind the facade**

He missed her. As Evan Lorne walked wearily down the halls of Atlantis towards his quarters, he was once again struck by that one inescapable fact. He missed Amy, more than he'd expected, which was disturbing since he'd expected to miss her a lot.

They'd been separated by his job in the past but it was amazing the difference it made not being able to pick up the phone and just call her. Funny too how memory played tricks on your mind. How could he not have noticed how often he'd done exactly that in the past? Cashed in a favour when things got tough to call home, just so he could hear her voice. Even though he'd never been able to tell her much, somehow it hadn't mattered. He'd still hung up feeling lighter for having experienced a few minutes of shared time. No wonder she hadn't let him do the honourable thing and end their relationship - she'd known he _needed_ her to be there for him.

"Major Lorne, this is Weir."

Lorne stopped, activating his radio. "Go ahead."

"I may have to go off world to assist Colonel Sheppard. I'd like you to assemble a team and have a Puddle Jumper ready to go."

"Yes, ma'am." With a sigh, Lorne reversed direction and headed back the way he'd come. His team had just returned from a strenuous off world mission - mostly because they hadn't been able to take a Puddle Jumper. It had something to do with humidity levels and electromagnetic whatevers - Lorne had tuned Doctor McKay out at that point. The bottom line was that the gate had been a long way from the nearest settlement and with the heavy humidity everyone's energy had flagged long before they were done.

It was only mid afternoon on Atlantis but he'd been planning on just falling into bed, clothes and all. Clearly the Pegasus galaxy had different plans for him. Evan had been there a month and had already seen the rescue of a Wraith runner and the escape of one of their own officers, hyped up on Wraith enzyme, not to mention the 'Cadman stuck in McKay's head incident. Lorne wouldn't say nothing could surprise him anymore, but it would have to be something pretty damn unusual to do the trick!

"Coughlin, Reed, gear up and meet me in the Jumper Bay," he ordered over the radio as he headed in that direction himself. Both men had been with him since his first mission in Pegasus and had unofficially become his team. Both marines, they were friendly but didn't seem to require him to make small talk, and were the opposite of 'touchy feely' – _exactly _what Lorne needed.

"Yes Sir," Coughlin's voice came back, briskly.

* * *

Hours later, once again making that trek back to his quarters, Evan felt grateful. They'd avoided three Wraith cruisers and trouble from the kind of political selfishness that turned a guy's stomach to rescue Colonel Sheppard and his team.

Lorne already had the sense that being called in to facilitate his CO's return to Atlantis could turn into a full time job all on its own. Not that he minded, on two fronts. One, because he'd already decided he liked and respected Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, more than any prior commanding officer he'd served with. The overriding reason though was that he _needed _to be busy, to keep his mind off of things he had no business thinking about while he was on duty, as well as to tire himself out so he'd get some decent sleep.

Evan had already garnered a reputation for being focussed and purposeful - Major Lorne was the quintessential steady military officer, there when needed and _never _letting anything of his internal thoughts show. Evan was okay with that rep because it meant he'd been successful at hiding the personal side of himself. And if it saddened him a little, how good he'd gotten at hiding what were pretty intense emotions, well ... he had only himself to blame.

Making it all the way to his door this time, he swiped a hand over the controls, taking off his jacket as he walked inside. Stopping only to pull off his boots he stretched out on his bed with a groan. He was tired enough that sleeping shouldn't be a problem. Turning to his side, he rested his head on his pillow, his eyes on the only item on his bedside table.

Amy - smiling out at him with a twinkle in her eyes that suggested she had something she couldn't wait to tell him. Probably true too - Amy always had something interesting to say. With a sigh he rolled to his back, his eyes on the ceiling. Was it working, this across the galaxies thing they had going? Her letters suggested it was - the last one full of plans for his first leave home. They hadn't set a date yet - because he wasn't sure when that leave would happen - but Amy didn't seem to care, all her plans small enough they could be changed at a moment's notice if need be. She was busy with that, with her work for an interior design products company, and apparently with spending some time with his Mom. It sounded like she was doing much better than he was in fact, something that really shouldn't have bothered Evan as much as it did.

He should be happy she was handling everything ... not worried that it indicated something, but ... did she not miss him? Had the unthinkable happened? Had she gotten so used to him being away that it had become the norm?

All Lorne knew for sure was that every letter he wrote home was a struggle to find the balance between revealing that on a personal front he was miserable and going too much the other way in an effort to reassure her that he was okay. His 'read between the lines' was that the work was interesting and meaningful enough to be worth the distance between them but that of course he missed her very much. He had no idea how well he was doing on convincing Amy of that particular reality because she hadn't commented – which wasn't really like her at all. And now he was wondering why.

He'd resorted to sending a few of what could only be described as mushy love letters too – because he knew she'd be charmed by them more than that the prose came naturally to him. Thankfully personal mail wasn't screened by anyone back at the SGC – he wasn't sure he'd live down the 'hopeless romantic' tag he'd get if anyone aside from Amy were to read them.

With a groan Evan rolled over, burying his head in his pillow. It was time for sleep to come and quiet his brain.

* * *

"Trading missions are the _best_," Reed commented to Coughlin, the two men walking side by side behind Lorne and Teyla. Evan exchanged a glance with Teyla, noting that she seemed equally amused by his young team mates enthusiasm.

"Thank you again for escorting me to Belkan Major Lorne," Teyla said graciously. "My people have need of equipment with which to prepare for sowing next season's crops."

"No problem," Lorne returned. "We should be able to fit everything you need into the back of the Jumper."

"Yes," Teyla smiled back at Reed and Coughlin. "And then perhaps your men will have the opportunity to peruse the outpost for their own needs."

"If we have time," Evan agreed.

"The man I deal with is usually in the tavern at this time of day," Teyla pointed further down the makeshift main street of Belkan.

Lorne nodded, taking up an instinctively protective position close to the Athosian leader as they approached. She didn't need it – as an accomplished fighter she could probably kick Lorne's ass halfway to Sunday, but there was no such thing as too many people watching your back.

"Mattas," she greeted a man at the bar with a smile.

"Teyla," Mattas stood and the two exchanged a formal greeting. "What brings you to Belkan this fine day?" the trader asked once Teyla was sitting.

"The planting season will soon be upon us," Teyla explained. "My people have need of additional tools to clear the fields and prepare for new crops."

"I'm sure we can come to some kind of arrangement then," Mattas's face took on a calculating expression.

"Yes, I am sure we can," Teyla agreed, her eyes narrowing shrewdly.

Lorne stood back to listen as the two went back and forth, his posture an obvious message to any who considered approaching that Teyla was not without back up.

"Okay, deal," Mattas finally said reluctantly. "You drive a hard bargain Teyla."

"As do you," Teyla replied. "There is one more thing you can perhaps assist me with."

"And what would that be?" Mattas looked interested.

"We have heard of a new type of flax seed," Teyla explained, "one more resistant to disease. Have you a source for this?"

"I know of it," Mattas frowned, thinking for a moment. "I don't have a source but if you can wait a few weeks I can put you in touch with someone who does. Goes by the name Hendon."

"Yes, we have traded before," Teyla nodded.

"Come back in three weeks – I'll set you up with a meeting," Mattas arranged.

"Thank you," Teyla inclined her head gracefully.

The two shook hands and then Teyla stood, motioning for Evan to follow her.

"Get what you needed?" he asked curiously.

"Yes and for a very fair price," Teyla looked pleased. "Mattas will have the items ready for collection later in the day."

"Looks like you two get your wish," Lorne told Reed and Coughlin as they rejoined the two men who'd stood guard outside the tavern.

"Sir?" Reed looked hopeful.

"Take a break. Go, look around," Evan gave them leave to browse. "Just don't get swindled okay. And stick together."

"Yes Sir!" Coughlin straightened for a moment and then grinned at Reed. "Come on," he pointed in one direction.

Watching them head off Lorne smiled faintly.

"You have no wish to look around yourself Major?" Teyla asked curiously.

"I'm at your disposal Ma'am," Evan said. "If you'd like to look around I'd be happy to escort you."

"Very well," Teyla's brow rose as she regarded Evan. "I have been here many times in the past, without an escort."

"Yes Ma'am," Evan agreed, "but this is the first time _I've _brought you here. I'm pretty sure Colonel Sheppard wouldn't see your past trips as an acceptable explanation should something happen to you."

"No," Teyla smiled again, giving in graciously.

Lorne walked beside her as she did what could only be described as window shopping. He gave most of the stalls a cursory glance, not really interested in what the trading post had to offer.

And then sunlight glinted on metal and he found himself drawn to the wares of one particular trader.

Teyla followed, touching a hand to his arm when he stopped a step away from the display. "Janna is a well respected jewellery maker Major," she commented. "I would be happy to assist you in acquiring something."

"I'm not ...,' Evan trailed off when he spotted it. A ring, small, made of a metal that looked like a cross between platinum and gold. An intensely blue stone of some kind, small but clearly visible, was set into the top and surrounded by carved symbols. It was simple and yet complex – it looked strong but also delicate enough that it wouldn't swamp a woman's finger.

"A beautiful piece," the trader, Janna, immediately picked up on where her customer's interest lay. "I found the stone near a ruined temple of the Ancestors and have never seen it's like since. The carvings were there too. It reads Lux lucis Diligo. Vita. Una." She smiled. "A friend translated this to mean Light. Love. Life. Together."

"And you are sure of your friend's skill with the Ancient language?" Teyla queried on Evan's behalf.

"I am," Janna said confidently. "Does the ring interest you?"

Lorne took a 'thinking' breath, his expression blank. If he traded for the ring would he even be able to give it to Amy? Did he want to go down that road, since it would mean he'd have to talk to Colonel Sheppard to get permission? But as he looked at the ring he couldn't get over how perfect it was for Amy, how the stone would compliment her eyes, while the carvings would intrigue and delight her. He wouldn't have to tell her the true origin. And he'd have to talk to Colonel Sheppard about his plans eventually anyway. He was in the air force. Where a civilian could go off and marry whoever they wanted without informing their employer he didn't have that luxury, not if he wanted to keep the respect of his CO. There'd be paper work he'd want to fill in too, to make sure Amy would be taken care of should anything happen to him. So for all intents and purposes he needed Sheppard's approval before he could do anything.

"Major?" Teyla watched him patiently, her expression telling him she'd already guessed a little of where his thoughts had gone.

He nodded, silently telling her that yes, he did want that ring.

Teyla smiled, turning back to Janna. "What do you wish in exchange for this item?" she opened the barter, once again with a shrewd expression on her face. Lorne kept out of it, listening as Janna talked about how unique – one of a kind – the ring was, while Teyla countered that the value of the stone and the validity of the translated carvings could not be verified. Eventually the two women seemed to come to an agreement.

"Janna has need of additional material for her work," Teyla told Evan. "She will give you the ring in exchange for four standard weights of whatever metals you can provide."

Evan frowned, thinking about the things he'd brought with him from Earth. He had a pewter figure his sister had given him a few years back – it had sentimental value but there were other things Elaine had given him that he valued more. Besides, she wouldn't mind once she learned he'd sold the figure to buy a ring for Amy – she hadn't been shy in asking him over the years when he was going to give in to the inevitable. "I have something that should be sufficient," he said.

"Then the ring is yours," Janna replied, "once payment has been received, of course."

"Some of the goods promised in my own trade are back in the city Major," Teyla told Evan, her expression carefully innocent. "My transaction with Mattas will not be complete unless someone returns to retrieve them. Perhaps you would undertake this service for me?"

Evan met Teyla's eyes, touched that she would do so much for him when they didn't even know each other that well. He owed her an explanation but first he had to finish what he'd started by approaching the jeweller's stall. "I'll be back as soon as I can," he said, waiting for her nod before he turned and strode back up the street.

Deciding to leave the Jumper where it was, Lorne headed back on foot. Lucky for him the gate wasn't far away. He covered the distance, dialling Atlantis and letting them know he was coming through to get something Teyla required. Doctor Weir gave him the all clear and within minutes he was back in the city and on his way to the store room to pick up the supplies Teyla had promised Mattas in exchange for her tools. He was well aware that immediate delivery wasn't usually required, that Teyla had decided on the different approach this time to give him the opportunity to complete his own transaction.

Stopping by his quarters on the way he grabbed the pewter statue and put it in one of his tac vest pockets. Less than an hour later he was walking back towards the trading outpost on Belkan, laden down with two heavy packs for Teyla.

* * *

"Forgive me Major, but may I ask for whom you acquired the ring?" Teyla asked quietly.

They'd rendezvoused with Reed and Coughlin, finished Teyla's trade with Mattas and were heading back to the Jumper with her tools. The other two men had gone on ahead, making quick time so they could do another trip to pick up the last of the items.

"Ah – sure, of course," Evan replied, feeling awkward all of a sudden. "It's for a ah ... a friend, back on Earth."

"You have a mate back home?" Teyla looked surprised.

"I'm not sure I understand what that means exactly," Lorne returned. "What do the Athosians call it when a couple agrees to legally bind themselves sometime in the future?"

"Betrothed," Teyla smiled. "You are betrothed?"

"Ah – yeah, I guess" Evan admitted, rubbing the back of his neck as he studiously avoided noticing her expression. "I asked her just before I shipped out ... didn't have time to get a ring."

Teyla looked at him for a moment and then nodded. "I am sure your betrothed will appreciate receiving something whenever you are able to return home."

"Amy," Evan offered. "Her name is Amy."

"A lovely name Major," Teyla said graciously. "And please ... do not be concerned. I will not reveal your circumstances to anyone."

"I _know _that," Lorne shrugged. "It's not a secret ... I just can't talk about it, you know ..."

"You are a long way from your home," Teyla commented understandingly. "It must be difficult."

Nodding, Lorne turned his attention back to the path. They were almost at the Jumper and he should be focussing on the mission, not his personal concerns.

"She is a lucky woman," Teyla put a hand to his arm before ducking into the back section, moving to place her goods securely for transport.

Evan wished he could believe that, that Amy was lucky, but the equation always seemed stacked in his favour.

* * *

"Sir, do you have a minute?" Lorne stood in Colonel Sheppard's office doorway.

"Lorne – sure, come in," John replied, nodding to the one visitor's chair he had available. "What can I do for you?"

"It's a personal matter Sir," Evan began. Cringing a little inside he decided to just blurt out his request and get it over with. "In accordance with air force instruction 36-2609 it's my duty to inform you of my intention to marry during my next leave back home, Sir. I'd also appreciate your approval to send an item I acquired here back to Earth with the Daedalus on her next trip."

"Whoa, hold up," Sheppard held up a hand, his expression incredulous. "You're _engaged_?"

"Ah ... yes Sir," Lorne replied simply.

"How is it I'm only hearing about this now?" John asked.

"I haven't told anyone," Evan admitted. "It happened the day before I shipped out. I guess I just didn't want to talk about it Sir."

"And you wouldn't be talking about it now unless you had to," Sheppard concluded. "Look, strictly speaking you don't need permission since you're not marrying a foreign national," he looked at Lorne quizzically, "you aren't, are you?"

Lorne shook his head.

"Right," John continued. "Atlantis counts as an overseas command though. I'm sure we can find some kind of form to fill in just to cover our backs. I'm probably supposed to question you about whether you think you can still perform your duties with the additional family responsibility. Since you've been performing the past three months without me even suspecting you had someone back home I think we can skip that part."

"Thank you Sir," Evan said gratefully.

"No problem," Sheppard returned. "So – what was it you wanted to send to Earth?"

"This," Lorne put a hand in his pocket and pulled out the small leather pouch Janna had put the ring in. He reluctantly handed it over, knowing the Colonel would have to examine it closely to decide whether it posed a secrecy risk.

"Nice," Sheppard commented, resting the ring on his palm and looking at it intently. "Ancient?" he queries of the carved symbols.

"Apparently," Lorne shrugged. "The vendor I traded with wasn't exactly convincing on its origins. I was thinking a person wouldn't know it was a language unless they'd seen used in that context before, like we have."

"It still doesn't look like a language to me," John quipped. He considered the ring for a few moments more and then dropped it back in the pouch. "Permission granted," he said briskly, holding it out.

"Thank you Sir," Lorne put the ring back in his pocket. "I ah ... would it be too much to ask for you to keep this to yourself Sir?"

Sheppard's brow rose and he regarded his 2IC intently. "Anything you discuss with me is confidential," he reminded Evan. "I wouldn't have pegged you for the shy type though Major."

"How many questions do you think I'd get if told people Sir?" Lorne asked simply.

"Since you've been tagged as Major Mysterious I'd say more than a few," John nodded, understanding. His expression turned compassionate as he considered the implications. Lorne had presumably asked someone he was in love with to marry him the day before he'd gotten on the Daedalus and travelled more than three million light years away from her. That had to suck, big time. It was a long time since John's married days but he still remembered that wrench every time he'd left Nancy for a new tour. "I'm guessing you don't want my sympathy either."

"It was my choice Sir," Evan shook his head. "Besides, I'm not the only one with family back home."

"True," Sheppard agreed. He didn't say the rest – that Lorne was the only command level staff member that John knew of with that predicament. The enlisted guys weren't in it for the long haul either – Lorne was. "Regardless, if you want to talk about this, you can come to me."

"Thank you Sir," Lorne was genuinely grateful for the offer. Taking that as his cue to leave he turned towards the door.

"If you're looking for someone trustworthy to hand deliver that ring I might be able to help," Sheppard offered.

"I've got it covered Sir," Evan replied, reminding the Colonel that he'd served at the SGC for a time before transferring to Atlantis.

"Right – just make sure they don't do it in uniform," John advised. "Good luck Major."

Nodding, Lorne took his leave.

* * *

Amy Rousseau smiled as she plugged her IPod into the speakers, scrolling quickly through her albums before choosing the first that struck her fancy. Sitting at her desk she opened the latest design she was working on, letting the music fall to the background as her concentration heightened. She had no idea how many songs played before the strains of a guitar introduction captured her attention again.

_"Yes, yeah we're moving on,  
Looking for direction,  
Mmmm, we've covered much ground.  
Thinking back to innocence,  
I can no longer connect,  
I don't have a heart left to throw around."_

With a sigh she pushed away from her desk, her eyes going to the picture of Evan that sat proudly displayed next to her monitor. It had been true for so many years that her heart wasn't hers. She'd given it to a fourteen year old boy who'd taken another ten years to accept it for the gift it was. She had no regrets though, even now when she hadn't spoken to him for over three months - the longest she'd gone without at least a phone call since he'd gone to the academy. They'd covered a lot of emotional ground, the two of them, but never more so than on the day he'd come to tell her he was being reassigned. Amy smiled down at her ring finger, still empty, imagining how it would be when Evan came home.

_"Ooh, and time moves on like a train,  
That disappears into the night sky.  
Yeah, I still get a sad feeling inside,  
To see the red tail lights wave goodbye."_

Time had always seemed like the enemy to her, the clock resolutely ticking away the days where a real future with Evan could still be a possibility. And then he'd surprised her, taking her bold suggestion that they get married and actually proposing, making the future suddenly seem much closer. It had been such an impulsive gesture that at first she hadn't believed he meant it - Evan usually planned out every action well in advance, needing to create both a feeling of control and as many barriers as he could to convince everyone he didn't feel things as strongly as he did. Now time was her friend because every day that went by was a day less separating her from what she wanted most in the world.

_"But we'll grow old together,  
We'll grow old together,  
And this love will never,  
This old love will never die."_

Yes, they _would_ grow old together, if she had any kind of say in it. Of course, she wanted Evan to be stationed somewhere 'normal' long before that happened!

_"Well, money slips into your hands,  
And then slips out like it was sand,  
And there's shoes that you can never seem to fill.  
I've chased so much and lost my way  
Maybe a face for everyday,  
That's so casually slipped me by._

_Ooh, and time moves on like a train,_  
_That disappears into the night sky._  
_Yeah, I still get this sad feeling inside,_  
_To see the red tail lights wave goodbye._

_But we'll grow old together,_  
_We'll grow old together,_  
_And this love will never,_  
_This old love will never die."_

No one could ever fill Evan's shoes. It amazed her sometimes that someone who didn't even live with her could have such an impact but he did. His absence left a gaping hole in her routine that no amount of work or trips to San Francisco to see Grace Lorne could fill. But she refused to lose her way! Maybe someone else would question her believe or her approach but she'd made comittment to having Evan Lorne in her life. Not in a selfish or manipulative way – she'd known for a long time that he wasn't ready and she'd never pushed him. But Amy had always been equally sure that Evan needed her just as much as she needed him. He'd had been her only goal for a while there, until that one night when he'd come home for the weekend, upset over something that had gone wrong and trying to hide it. All she'd done was comfort him – he was the one who'd all but propelled them over the friendship line, with his heated kisses and his passion and the warmth and kindness of his heart. Even if she hadn't already been sure with all her heart that he was 'the one', he would have won her over then.

_"Morning comes,  
Sometimes with a smile,  
Sometimes with a frown.  
Yeah, so i never want to worry,  
If you gonna stay around."_

Lately she'd been worried. Evan tried to convince her in the letters he wrote that he was doing well but she knew him. Sure, he was doing great work wise – he always did – but otherwise he was miserable. Hiding it very well no doubt – in fact she'd be surprised if he'd even told anyone about her. Amy wouldn't take it personally if he hadn't – Evan was intensely private and he'd hated sympathy – he'd call it pity – since he'd had to endure so much of it after his Dad's accident. She'd overcompensated for his mood by making her own letters full of fluff – it wouldn't help him to know that she was miserable too.

Knock knock.

Reaching for her IPod, Amy touched a finger to the pause symbol as the knock sounded again. Hurrying to the door she peered through the peep hole first and then opened it.

"Ma'am," a young man stood on her door step, his posture ramrod straight.

For a moment Amy felt dizzy, pegging him for military in an instance. Had something happened to Evan? "_Don't be silly Amy_," she told herself. "_They'd send someone in uniform if this was an official visit._" "Yes?" she queried aloud.

"My name is Captain Harris Ma'am," the man replied. "I served with Major Lorne before he was transferred."

"Oh," Amy smiled. "Gabe, right?"

"Yes Ma'am," Harris returned, smiling.

"Come in," Amy invited.

"That's okay Ma'am," Harris replied. "I'm just here to deliver something, on behalf of Major Lorne." He held out a larger than usual envelope. "It came in with the last mail load," he added when Amy frowned.

"Thank you Captain," Amy said, taking the package.

"I'll leave you to your mail Ma'am," Harris stood straight again. "With your permission I'll just sit in my car for a few minutes – that way I can deliver a response, if you wanted."

"That's very kind. Thank you Gabe," Amy said absently, turning the envelope over in her hand and glancing at the blank back, hardly noticing him leaving. Taking it inside she closed the front door before walking back to her home office and sitting on the couch. Working a finger under the flap she pealed open the envelope, taking out the folded sheet of paper. The envelope still had weight – shaking it upside down she just managed to catch the small leather pouch that fell out before it dropped to the floor.

Opening the letter, she smiled on seeing Evan's handwriting.

"_Amy,_

_I hope Gabe didn't scare you turning up like that. I asked him to dress casual so you wouldn't think the worst, seeing a uniform on the doorstep. This isn't the way I wanted to be doing this ... maybe you didn't mean to be but you've been a little distant in your letters lately. It's stupid but I couldn't get the idea out of my head, and then ... I found something. Open the pouch that came with this letter._"

Amy paused in reading to do what he'd instructed. Her insides leapt as soon as her fingers brushed the metal and she realised what it was. A ring! Taking it out she couldn't help the small gasp that escaped her. It was beautiful – like nothing she'd ever seen before. Turning back to the letter she kept reading.

"_I want you to wear that so everyone knows you're off the market. I'm sorry I'm not there to put it on your finger myself. It's probably not what you were thinking of for an engagement ring either, but I hope the fact that it's something of where I am right now will make up for that."_

"It's perfect," Amy murmured, slowing pushing the ring up onto her ring finger. Her eyes misted and her heart raced when it was done. It was official. She was really going to marry Evan Lorne!

"_I still can't tell you when I'll be home ... and if you decide you made a mistake, that you don't want to put your life on hold for me anymore, I'll understand. I just want you to be happy._

_Love always,_

_Evan._"

"Oh," Amy sighed. He was doubting her ... she knew Evan trusted her implicitly as she did him so how as that possible? Because all they had to rely on was the letters they'd exchanged – imperfect words open to interpretation and influenced by mood at the time of reading them. She'd made hers too light hearted, so determined to make things easy for him so he wouldn't feel guilty that she'd missed his own vulnerability.

Jumping up she grabbed her notepad and began writing.

"_Evan,_

_The ring is perfect. I love it. I love you! So much that I was trying to make it easy for you by not admitting how miserable I am. I'm sorry if that made me seem distant because nothing could be further from the truth._

_I miss you. I miss talking to you, I miss seeing you. I miss going past the base and thinking that you're in there somewhere, working away. That feeling never goes away – I won't get used to it and it won't be better until you're back._

_Do you see?_

_Come home when you can ... I'll be waiting._

_All my love forever._

_Amy."_

Folding the paper and stuffing it in an envelope she dashed towards the front door and out onto the sidewalk. "Gabe," she smiled, relieved he hadn't left yet. "If you could get this to Major Lorne as soon as possible I'd be so grateful."

"No problem Ma'am," Harris replied, taking the letter and tucking in into his inside jacket pocket.

"Thank you," Amy smiled, stepping back to let Gabe start his car.

Back in the house she stood for a moment, not sure what she should do next. Work – that always took her mind off of things, for a little while anyway. Sitting down she pressed play on her IPod again.

_"So let's grow old together,  
We'll grow old together,  
And this love will never,  
This old love will never die."_

Amy smiled down at her ring finger, now adorned with a tangible symbol of the future. It shouldn't make a difference, and yet it did. Her eyes misted over again as she let herself feel both the happiness that Evan had done something so loving for her, as well as the despair at how far away from her he seemed. It hurt, every day, but she never wanted to get used to the feeling. Keeping the pain close kept _everything _close, and Evan deserved no less.

_"Yes, yeah we're movin' on,  
Movin' right along..." _

_**The End ... again!**_

**Author's Note 2:**

I did a bit of research on whether Lorne had to get some kind of official permission to marry someone ... AIR FORCE INSTRUCTION 36-2609 does exist and deals with overseas commands and immigration of foreign nationals mostly - but it does mention people stationed overseas in a more general sense too. From what I read though it seems more a chain of command type courtesy to inform a CO of your intentions, _before _you run off to get married. You can find this and other air force publications at e-publishing dot af dot mil. The Latin I used came via translation-guide dot com.

I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this or not - I guess I'm open to requests if you want to convince me I should.


	3. Aborted Plans

**Chapter 3: Aborted Plans**

**Author's Note:**

This chapter takes place around S02E13: Critical Mass; with the necessary changes to include Lorne of course. The song is 'If I Really Loved You' by Guy Sebastian ... let me say up front that I love Guy, and not just because he's a good Adelaide boy (my home). I love this song too - you'll see why I feel the need to point that out after you've read this chapter! If you haven't heard the song, I have it favourited on my YouTube ID (ShaViva3) - along with the other songs I've used so far and a great version of The Climb done by Guy too. The previous two chapters were inspired and driven by the songs - this chapter is the opposite (I searched way too long for the right song and didn't really find what I was looking for) and hence I don't think it's as good. I hope you all still like it though! So, enough babbling ... on with the story!

* * *

Lorne stood at the view screen in the Daedalus mess, watching the blur of travel through hyperspace, a smile hovering just beneath his calm surface. _Finally_, he was on his way home – six months after leaving which, all things considered, was a little better than he'd hoped for.

He'd sent an email to Amy with the previous weekly transmission – with the almost three weeks it would take him to get home she'd have plenty of time for any organising she hadn't already done. A big part of him couldn't believe what he was on his way to do ... Evan Lorne was actually getting married. Only Colonel Sheppard knew, the other man slyly wishing Lorne a 'restful' vacation before officially transferring him to the Earth ship for the duration of the voyage. Now, the Daedalus was a week out from the city and still on the outskirts of the Pegasus galaxy – they had a _long_ way to go.

Abruptly the blur of faster than light travel halted and the ship dropped back into normal space, grabbing his attention. Just as quickly they entered hyperspace again. Lorne frowned, watching for a few moments before feeling reassured enough to relax. A few minutes later the ship dropped out of hyperspace again, this time remaining in a stationary position.

"Lorne to Marks," Evan tapped his radio to speak to the ship's pilot.

"Marks here, Sir."

"Is there a problem with the ship Major?" Lorne queried.

"No Sir," Marks replied. "We received a transmission from the SGC ... about a bomb on Atlantis. We've moved the ship to be within communications range. Colonel Caldwell is requesting your presence on the bridge."

"I'll be right there." Closing the channel, Lorne strode from the mess, pushing the journey and what awaited him on Earth to the back of his mind.

"Major," Caldwell greeted Lorne as soon as he arrived.

"Sir, how could anyone get a bomb inside Atlantis?" Lorne queried grimly.

"That's just one of the many questions we don't have answers for," Caldwell returned. "We sent through a warning not to dial the gate as soon as we were back in range but ...,"

"But you have no idea yet whether they received the message in time," Lorne finished. He was worried, for the city itself and the people he'd grown to like and admire. He knew Caldwell had glossed over the fact that he'd pushed the Daedalus engines to the maximum to get close enough, and that they were now forced to hover at a point in space where they'd be able to send and receive messages from both Earth and Atlantis.

"That's right," Caldwell turned to Marks. "Try contacting them over subspace again."

Static greeted their efforts before abruptly stopping.

"Atlantis base to the Daedalus," Colonel Sheppard's voice came through loud clear.

"Caldwell here. What's your status?" None of his relief was apparent in the Colonel's voice.

"We received your message in time to stop the dialling sequence Colonel," Sheppard reported, raising relieved smiles from everyone. "Doctor Weir requested that you let the SGC know Sir ... and then she'd like you to return to Atlantis to assist in the investigation."

Lorne bit back the harsh '_No_' that wanted to escape from his throat. They _couldn't _turn back, not now! But he knew they could ... and would. They _had _to because, harsh as it was, the most likely source for the bomb was from within the Daedalus itself.

Caldwell frowned, his eyes narrowed. "I take it the Doctor is aware that will cut off our communication with Earth?"

"Yes Sir," Sheppard replied. "I have teams searching the city but its slow going ... finding whoever's behind this might speed things up. Gate travel has been suspended indefinitely and McKay is about to pull the ZPM."

"Understood," Caldwell replied. "We're on our way but at full speed it'll still take us more than a day to get there."

"Yes Sir," John replied. "I'll let Elizabeth know. Atlantis out."

Caldwell shared a glance with Marks. "Lay in a course for Atlantis Major, maximum speed."

"Aye aye Sir, laying in a course for Atlantis, maximum speed."

Lorne stood motionless, his expression carefully blank, resisting the strong desire to request permission to send a personal message back to Earth before they moved out of range. He couldn't go there - ask for something purely for personal reasons - it just wasn't the kind of officer he was.

A sick feeling rose from the pit of Evan's stomach, constricting his throat, as he did the sums in his head. At least a day back to the city plus who knew how many more to resolve the situation. Probably another week after that before non essential communications were re-established. The result was coming out too close to the two weeks he had left before he was supposed to arrive. If things took longer than he was guessing then he was pretty much screwed. Amy wouldn't know he wasn't coming because there was no one at the SGC who'd think to tell her ... because he hadn't told anyone there his plans. If he couldn't get a message to her there was every chance Amy would think the worst – that he was abandoning her 'at the altar'.

Swallowing back the sudden desire to punch his fist into the wall, Evan spun and strode from the bridge. Hesitating for a moment he quickly decided on a destination. The gym would do just fine for the kind of distraction he needed.

* * *

"Atlantis, this is the Daedalus," Caldwell began as soon as the ship could make orbit. "Requesting permission to land beside the East pier."

Lorne stood on the Bridge, watching the proceeding, his arms folded across his chest. He'd resigned himself in the previous twenty four hours to accepting whatever happened, but it didn't mean he had to like it, his dark mood adding to the already serious expression he normally wore.

"Granted," Chuck returned. "I'll have someone inform Doctor Weir of your arrival."

"What's the situation down there?" Caldwell asked before Chuck could sign off.

"We haven't found the bomb yet Sir," Chuck replied. "Doctor Weir will want to update you on everything else."

"Understood," Caldwell turned to Marks. "Set us down Major, nice and slow."

Marks smiled just slightly - this was the kind of manoeuvre that was his bread and butter. "Yes Sir."

Lorne kept silent during their decent, saying nothing until the Daedalus engines were disengaged, the ship bobbing slightly as it settled into the water beside the pier. "Permission to report to Colonel Sheppard for duty Sir," he formally asked Caldwell.

"Granted," the Colonel replied briskly. "Go - help find that bomb."

Nodding, Lorne turned and made his way off the ship, stopping for a moment once he was on the pier. Looking up at the city, its towers rising to the sky before him, _was _stirring but even that couldn't raise his spirits. He wanted back on the Daedalus, back on the way home, which meant finding the bastards who'd wrecked his vacation plans. He didn't stop to drop off his gear or talk to anyone, going straight to the control room and Colonel Sheppard. "How can I help Sir?" he asked briskly.

"We need as many teams out there searching as possible," Sheppard replied.

"I'll assemble mine then Sir," Lorne turned, intent on doing his job.

"Major."

John's serious tone stopped Evan and he glanced reluctantly back at his CO, knowing what the other man was going to say. "Sir?"

"I'm sorry about your leave," Sheppard said simply. "Once we have this situation resolved we'll have you back on your way home."

"Thank you Sir," Lorne returned, appreciating that in the midst of a tense situation for the city, the Colonel still took a moment to acknowledge the impact it had on Evan personally. He turned to leave again, hesitating just as he got to the door. Colonel Sheppard had opened the way ... and Evan was comfortable in assuming his CO would tell him if he was asking too much. "Ah ... if it's appropriate Sir, I'd appreciate getting a message to Earth about the delay."

"I'll take care of it Major," John replied, letting Lorne see that he understood. They could have been talking about anything, staff at the various consoles paying them no mind.

"Thank you Sir," Lorne gave him a small smile before leaving to get his team together.

Reed and Coughlin had been assigned elsewhere in his absence - recalling them was a simple matter of finding other personnel to replace them on the other teams. That done, Lorne tapped into the control room to find out where the various teams had already searched and was soon leading his men towards the remote structures beyond the East Pier.

* * *

"You must be pretty bummed out Sir, if you don't mind my saying," Coughlin commented, following his CO down one of the longer corridors.

"About what?" Evan returned, shining his P90 light into another room and quickly assessing that it had nothing remotely able to either be a bomb or hide a bomb.

"About having to come back Sir," Coughlin clarified. "Especially if you had plans."

Evan smiled mirthlessly. Yeah, he'd had plans, although calling them by such a simple word hardly did them justice. "It's fine Sergeant," he said, hoping he was right. It was something that had crossed his mind a few times in the past six months - what it would take for Amy to change her mind, to decide he wasn't worth the kind of life she'd chosen so that she could be with him. Was there any one event that could put a crater in their relationship that nothing would fix?

"Yes Sir," Coughlin exchanged a glance with his younger team mate, the two in agreement. It _wasn't _fine, not if Lorne's grimmer than usual countenance was anything to go on. Since they couldn't force their CO to confide in them, Coughlin decided he'd just have to be there, as best he could, when needed, even if it was just to hold the punching bag for the Major.

Lorne glanced back to see both his team mates eyeing him with concern, and held back an impatient sigh. This was why he didn't share his personal concerns ... and why he probably should have in this case. It wasn't like he could come back from leave a married man and not tell anyone - even he could see that wasn't an option, and that it would be an insult to Amy in any case. "Now isn't the time," he told them abruptly, "but I'll fill you both in ... _after _we get done ridding the city of this Trust menace."

"Yes Sir," Coughlin grinned. "Would it be wrong for me to hope that our team finds the culprits Sir?"

"Not at all Sergeant," Lorne replied, amused. "In fact I'd say it's our due - something to make it worth my while being here instead of still on my way back home."

They continued down the corridors, searching rooms and finding nothing that could be considered out of place. "This is like looking for a needle in a haystack when you haven't even found the haystack yet," Lorne said impatiently, tapping his radio. "McKay, this is Lorne. Have you made any headway on narrowing down what exactly it is we're looking for?"

"If I knew that you wouldn't need to look for it," McKay shot back sarcastically. "Look, just concentrate on any areas important enough to put the city itself at risk."

"Right," Lorne narrowed his eyes, considering. "Are there any weak points at the base of the city?" he queried.

"You're thinking the bomber wants to blow a hole through it?" Rodney's tone went from complaining to interested. "That could work ... hang on."

Lorne stood, waiting only a few moments before McKay returned. "The weakest points where a big enough hole could actually sink the city are directly under the central tower Major. We don't have any teams searching there."

"Okay, great - we're on it," Lorne motioned for Coughlin and Reed to switch direction, heading back the way they'd come. They walked silently back to the centre of the city, taking the stairs down until they were under sea level, eventually hitting the lowest floors of Atlantis. The lights came on to illuminate the darkness as they slowly walked, checking the corridors and every room for something that shouldn't be there.

"Lorne, abort the search," Colonel Sheppard radioed them when they were only halfway through the search.

"Sir?" Lorne exchanged a frowning glance with his men.

"We've located the bomb," Sheppard explained.

* * *

"You and your team will manage corralling the Daedalus personal to Doctor Weir for questioning," John told him a short time later.

Lorne nodded, expressionless. It wasn't the best duty, playing policeman slash baby sitter, but it was necessary. The bomb wasn't a physical thing – instead the systems had been turned against them. If they didn't find whoever was behind this, get their codes and reinstall a bunch of safety protocols, then something as simple as dialing the gate could end up destroying the city.

Doctor Weir told him who she wanted to talk to and then Evan organized a schedule, escorting each person to the meeting room. It was as uncomfortable as he'd expected, something about being called in for questionning making even the most innocent of people feel guilty. Some of the interviews went on for a long time ... standing guard impassively when he wanted to grab the likely suspects and demand they give him what was needed was a challenge.

"_Please let this be over soon_," Lorne thought, sighing when he saw who was next on the list. Doctor Kavanagh. The guy who had something to say about everything, none of it complimentary. This one was going to take a while.

* * *

Amy couldn't believe it, despite the letter in her hand spelling it out in black and white. The company she'd worked for since college was shutting down, taking her job along with it. What was she going to do? That job had been perfect because she did most of it at home which meant she could live anywhere. She didn't want to have to move away from Colorado Springs. Evan wasn't stationed there day to day anymore but it was still his base of operations in the US, the place where she sent all her letters and emails and that forwarded his on in return. She felt closer to him living there.

It was only natural that she'd get a little upset, that she'd wish Evan could be there to hug her and tell her it would be okay. She could almost hear that purposeful but so gentle way of his as he stated his positive opinions on her talent. "_Any employer would be lucky to have you_," he'd say in that tone that said he was speaking the only truth in existence. "_And you have me - I know you don't need it but I can help - just until you find another job._" She missed that ... having the confidence and assurance of someone who knew where they were supposed to be.

She could laugh at her imagination instead of having it send her even further into tears because Evan would be home soon. It was the only thing making it bearable. In just two weeks Evan would be home and they'd be getting married. That was enough to keep any woman sane.

Still, she had to do something during those two weeks. Cleaning up her files and sending anything back that she couldn't keep or delete was a good place to start, and it would give her a reason to start up her computer. It was an innocent thing, checking her inbox to see if she had any messages. She couldn't resist looking multiple times a day, always hopeful for something forwarded on from Cheyenne Mountain AFB, even though messages usually came through on a specific day each week. When she saw the familiar email address she broke into a smile - something from Evan was just what she needed to cheer her up. Clicking the message open, she frowned. It wasn't from Evan, but rather from someone else - a Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. Was he Evan's CO? Had something happened? The smile dropping from her face, Amy quickly skimmed the message.

"_Ms Rousseau,_

_I'm sorry to inform you that Major Lorne's arrival will be delayed due to a situation at the base - at this stage I can't tell you exactly how long it will be before he'll make it back to the States. Communications are restricted for now - I'm sure you'll receive a personal message from Major Lorne as soon as the restrictions are lifted._

_Regards_

_Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard_."

A tear plopped onto the keyboard before she realized she was crying. Taking a breath that sounded too much like a whimper she read through the message again, looking for anything reassuring. Evan's trip home had been delayed, not cancelled. That was positive, wasn't it? But what kind of 'situation' would warrant a communications restriction and delay him for weeks? It did say that Evan would email her himself when he could, so at least she knew he was all right. For now anyway - who knew what kind of trouble his base was in.

Another tear ran down her cheek, splashing onto the space bar. Amy swiped it away, but more tears swelled, obscuring her sight. Pushing her chair away from the desk she wrapped her arms around her middle and just cried, expressing her disappointment and her concern for Evan's safety in the only way she could. It was just so unfair ... that something would happen _now_, when Evan was supposed to be coming home to her! And today, when she was missing him so badly she'd already wanted to curl up under the bedcovers and pretend the day had never happened.

If only she could talk to him! Sobbing quietly now, Amy realized this was something she'd have to get used to. There was no point in crying for something that wasn't possible - time to toughen up and be the kind of woman who could roll with the punches all by herself. Because if she couldn't Evan would know - and then he'd start questioning again the right and wrong of their relationship. Her losing her job wasn't his fault; whatever had happened to delay him wasn't either. And she knew, with complete certainty, that if he could be there for her, he would.

"He'll be home soon," she murmured, trying to console herself. The tears that refused to stop rising showed what a crappy job she was doing ... maybe she wasn't quite up to just rolling with those punches just yet.

* * *

"_Amy,_

_I know you received a message from Colonel Sheppard and that it would have been pretty brief - I wish I could have cushioned that for you but just getting any kind of message to you was hard enough. So you know now that I'm still coming home but I won't be able to make it back there as planned. I'm really sorry - if it was inside my control I'd be there. I hope you know that. We had a situation on the base and all travel was cancelled. I can't tell you why ... and it doesn't really matter I guess. The situation's been resolved but with the way we organize travel from here back home it adds another four weeks to my E.T.A._

_I don't know what you had planned for the wedding - I was looking forward to finding out. Look, try to reschedule but if you can't it doesn't matter to me. I'll marry you in the Vegas Chapel of Love and call myself lucky. But I wanted somthing better for you since we're only going to do this once. It'll be more waiting when I've already kept you waiting for too many years ... I don't know what I can say to make this better._

_All I know is I'm still coming home ... to you. I love you Amy - we'll work something out, okay._

_Evan_."

Evan clicked send on the message, shutting down his computer before grabbing the duffle from his bed. It felt like déjà vu - walking down the corridors of Atlantis on his way to the Daedalus beam up point. This time it was different - because Stephen Caldwell was in the infirmary after having a Gou'ald symbiote beamed out of his brain, forcing Lorne to take command for the trip home.

"Just get the Daedalus there in one piece Major," Colonel Sheppard said, a faint smirk suggesting he found it amusing that Evan would have to captain his own ship home. "No side trips, and no making first contact with anyone, understood?"

"I think I can manage that Sir," Lorne returned, only a hint of amusement showing in his eyes.

"Good luck Lorne," Sheppard said seriously. "I hope there won't be any major repercussions over the delay in getting you home."

"I hope so too Sir," Evan replied, revealing a little of the worry he'd lived with.

"You'll do fine," John said bracingly. 'Now, get out of here, and don't come back anytime soon. That's an order."

Evan grinned. "Yes Sir."

"Oh, and Major," Sheppard began, waiting until Lorne looked back to him before he finished. "Bring back some photos - show people what you got up to while you were away."

"Ah … Yes Sir," Lorne nodded, not willing to examine why that idea both excited him and filled him with dread. As a message that the Colonel wasn't going to keep Lorne's change of marital status a secret it couldn't have been clearer.

* * *

After a long day getting his head around the unfamiliar routine of being in command of the Daedalus, Evan was more than ready to grab a coffee and retire to his quarters. Striding into the mess he nodded politely to those already occupying some of the tables before making his way to the server. He was tired enough that it took a while for his brain to register that someone had switched on the CD player. The artist wasn't familiar but the opening lines really grabbed his attention.

"_If I really loved you baby, I would let you be._

_I wouldn't drag you down this winding road with me._

_As torturous and lonely that letting go may be,_

_if I really loved you baby, I would set you free."_

Stirring his coffee slowly, Evan kept his face blank, still listening.

"_If I really loved you baby I would put you first._

_I'd help you love yourself and not bring out your worst._

_I'd help you see your dreams and I would never stand between._

_If I really loved you baby, I would set you free."_

"Excuse me, Sir?"

Focussing away from the song and his thoughts and back to his surroundings, Evan turned to see one of the junior officers assigned to the Daedalus regarding him with an earnest expression. "Yes Airman?"

"I was just wondering Sir, how Colonel Caldwell is," the woman replied. "We heard some of the story but nothing since we left Atlantis."

"He'll be fine Airman," Lorne replied, reassuringly. "By the time we get back to Earth I'm sure the Colonel will be impatient to retake command."

"Thank you Sir," the woman gave him a grateful half smile, waiting for him to nod a kind of dismissal before turning to rejoin her friends. As soon as she did, Evan's attention returned to the music.

"_If I really love you baby you would never cry._

_You'd always feel beautiful; morning, day and night._

_You'd feel your best is good enough, even if you fail._

_You'd feel you're living in your own fairy tale._"

There was no doubt in his mind that sometime since Amy had received that message from Colonel Sheppard, she'd cried. Not just because he'd been delayed, or that their wedding had been affected, although he knew that would have been upsetting. No, she'd have cried out her worry for _him_. In her eyes a communications blackout and a four week delay would be scary serious – rather than just practicalities forced by how far away he was stationed. There was no fairy tale in that for Amy, and he'd never wished that he could tell her about Pegasus and Atlantis more than he did right then.

"_And the answer to the question is yes I really love you._

_Yes I really love you more than you could know._

_But because I really love you –,_"

Striding to the CD player, Lorne pressed the skip button firmly, cutting the song to an abrupt ending. His actions had everyone in the Mess looking at him – surprised, curious, concerned – and he gave a rueful shrug. "Sorry - not my favourite song," he excused his actions lightly.

He got a few understanding looks as he returned to his table and the coffee he'd hardly touched. He didn't really care what impression his actions had created though. All he knew was that he'd had enough of songs about 'doing the right thing' when that meant leaving someone else for their own good, and he really had no interest in finding out how this particular singer had resolved things.

Evan had made peace with his choices and with Amy's ... and he'd do everything in his power to make sure the positives of their relationship balanced the hard times and what she'd sacrificed. And in only seventeen days he'd be able to promise her that, along with his heart, his commitment, and his future.


	4. Home

**Authors Note:**

Another chapter because I couldn't leave Lorne on the Daedalus like that! The song here is an older one - 'Truly, madly, deeply' by Savage Garden. I know, the third Aussie song in succession but I swear I'm not doing that intentionally! So this chapter is basically fluff, fluff, fluff - but I like it! Rating wise it's maybe getting up to a high T+ but I think keeping it to a T is still appropriate. The usual self betaing and given the time here I'm sure there are errors that have crept in. I used the Petersen AFB website for some needed information that will be obvious by the time you get to the end. Lastly, thank you to anyone who reviewed last chapter - I didn't get to all replies and I wanted to post this latest chapter before it got too late in the week. I appreciate your feedback and enthusiasm to see more story ... here it is!

**Chapter 4: Home**

He was beginning to feel like it would never happen, like his journey home was some kind of cosmic warp that would continue to elongate his trip forever, but in one abrupt rush Evan arrived home, was debriefed, and then on his way topside.

Taking a moment to gather himself, Lorne grinned. Yes! _Finally_! His car was parked in the long term lot - even though he knew he'd be back rarely he couldn't bring himself to sell it, to acknowledge in such a material way that for now Earth was no longer his home. Checking the petrol gauge he quickly started the engine, relieved when it turned over after a couple of hiccups.

As he drove closer to Amy's house - windows down and radio resolutely off - he realised that the way his heart was pumping, his thoughts disordered, his focus narrowing down to the road ahead, was a dead give away.

He was nervous.

After ten years with Amy as his best friends and another eleven - _God, had it really been that long _- where she'd been everything to him, suddenly he was nervous to see her? It made no sense. He didn't doubt them or what he hoped they'd still be doing before he had to go back to Atlantis. He didn't have cold feet. And yet his stomach was jumping like he had a herd of giant butterflies hammering to get out.

"Relax Evan," he coached himself, taking a deep and determinedly calming breath as he pulled into Amy's street. Coasting to a stop outside her house he turned off the car and sat for a moment, trying to get back some of his usual peace.

Okay, that wasn't working. Achieving some level of inner quiet was obviously only going to happen after he saw Amy. Jumping out of the car he slammed the door and strode up the walk, ringing her doorbell as he had seven months before. The cycle in that wasn't lost on him, and when Amy opened the door and he got his first sight of her it all became crystal clear.

He was nervous because a part of him expected her to do what she hadn't done all those months ago - hand him his exit papers and push him back out the door. He'd all but stood her up at the altar - he deserved whatever consequences she dished out. Lucky for him she didn't give him time to dwell on those particular fears.

"_Evan!_" Amy threw open the screen door and literally jumped into his arms, clearly trusting that he'd be with it enough to catch her.

He staggered, clutching her to his body tightly and burying his head against her neck. The rush of emotion he felt was so strong that his eyes misted over a little. Trying to get a grip - of her and himself - Evan carried her into the house, toeing the door closed behind him.

"Oh God, I missed you so much," she muttered, clutching his face and pressing a desperate kiss to his lips.

He reciprocated, taking them from a not so simple hello into outright passion. He'd never returned from a tour of duty and greeted her like that before - with barely a word before he was all over her. Of course their relationship had a healthy sexual aspect but it had never been about that for him. Now he felt driven to show her what she meant to him in the most basic way possible.

"Hold on to me," he urged just before he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground. Amy responded, tightening her arms around his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist.

Grinning, Evan took a moment to kiss the breath from her body before he started walking, moving them to her room and a bed and the space he needed. Dropping her to the mattress he followed her down, careful to support his own weight as he leant over her.

Laughing, Amy's eyes shone up at him. "Well ... this is different," she teased, running her hands up his back.

"Seven months," he reminded her purposefully, closing the distance between their lips for another heated kiss.

Laughter died abruptly and suddenly it was all intensely serious. Evan's heart was racing again, but now it was about blood pumping lust and the need to have her, to reclaim her as his alone. Amy responded eagerly enough that he knew she too wanted to reaffirm their connection.

Usually Evan maintained control when he was intimate with Amy - not that he didn't give himself fully to the act, but always with some small part of him watching over the proceedings, reminding himself to be gentle, to take care of her first, to pay attention to her reactions, to enjoy her - to be the gentleman he inherently was. This time he couldn't find that part of himself - all of him was totally focussed on possessing her, his instincts and his knowledge of her feeding off her reactions such that they got to the crucial point a lot quicker than usual.

Poised to reclaim her, Evan had just enough presence of mind to stop for a moment. Both of them were close to breathless, skin hot, pulses rapid, aroused almost to the point of pain. "I love you," he said roughly just before he surged forward, confident that she was with him all the way.

What followed was intense - the right blend of rough but gentle, urgent but complete. When the release came for both of them Evan's mind took a holiday from any other reality but being with Amy and the rightness of it all.

He was home.

* * *

"I'm sorry," Evan said as soon as his heart rate had returned to normal and he could get his brain back into action.

"For what?" Amy rested beside him, her head on his shoulder, one hand over his heart.

"For not being here a month ago," he said simply, running a hand up and down her arm.

"I know it wasn't your fault," Amy glossed over everything to do with how she'd taken the delay, sending a frown across Evan's face.

"It wasn't anyone's fault," he returned, thinking inside that actually it was the Trust's fault, something he'd address if he ever got the chance. "That doesn't mean it didn't hurt at the time."

"Okay, sure, I was a little upset," Amy admitted reluctantly.

He turned his head to look at her, a brow raised as he silently demanded that she elaborate.

"Fine, _really _upset," Amy grumbled. "There were tears - lots of them. Happy now?"

"No," Evan pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her hair. "There is _no _situation where it's okay that my not being here made you cry. But I need to know Amy. _All _of it. You can't sweep any of this under the carpet or what we're doing here - it won't work, not in the long term."

"I know," Amy sighed. Pausing for a few moments she shifted to her side to face him and began to speak. "That day - when I found out you weren't coming home - had already been pretty crappy." She tried to smile. "You're looking at an unemployed woman. As of last week I don't have a job - IHD closed down. I got the letter that morning so I was already upset and the only thing that was making it okay was knowing I'd see you in two weeks."

"And then you got the email from Colonel Sheppard," Evan commented, keeping any comments he wanted to make to himself so she could just tell him her side of things. It was hard because the fact that something bad had happened while he was elsewhere cut at him. He hadn't been there for her.

"Yes," she replied. "I wanted you to tell me everything was going to be okay, but instead I had even more to worry about. A communications black-out? Four weeks delay? It sounded really serious and all I had were a few words from your CO to pin my hopes on that you were okay. I'd promised myself that I'd be strong - roll with the punches and come up swinging," she chuckled ruefully. "Instead I ended up crying myself to sleep. I'm glad you didn't get to see me that day because it wouldn't have been pretty."

"You're beautiful," Evan returned, "when you dress up, when you're fresh from bed without a scrap of make up on," he smiled teasingly, "and when your face is all red and blotchy from crying."

"I don't know whether to say thank you or smack you," Amy groused, unable to hold in a smile simply because he was smiling.

"I'm sorry," Evan said again, suddenly serious. "You needed me but I wasn't here - and I hate that you had no way to contact me."

"I could have sent you a message but I was determined to tough it out by myself," Amy admitted. "I guess I was trying to show both of us that I can handle this."

"And can you?" Evan's tone was blank because that part of him had reared it's doubting head again, making him prepare to hear her say no, she couldn't.

"Of course!" Amy sat up enough to give her room to whack his arm this time, hard enough that he flinched. "What, you think I'm not strong enough?" she demanded, insult written all over her face.

"No!" Evan sat up too. "I know how strong you are, okay. Stronger than me," he said, slumping back down again. Putting his hands over his eyes he pressed down, trying to block out what he knew she'd see anyway. "It kills me sometimes," he admitted, "not knowing what's going on here. I never realised how much I relied on being able to call you whenever I needed to."

"Evan," Amy's tone was full of concern and love as she gently took his hands and pulled them away so that she could see his eyes. "It kills me too," she said simply. "I can handle anything that's happening for me - just like you do wherever you are - that's the easy part. But you know what?" she didn't wait for him to answer. "It _should _be hard. If we love each other and we need to be together then any separation should hurt, don't you think? But where is it written that that's a bad thing? Just because it hurts doesn't mean we shouldn't do this. As far as I'm concerned it just means we're on the right track."

"You're right, I _know_ that," Evan agreed earnestly. "And I'm not questioning my decisions any more, not since I asked you to marry me. You know I wouldn't have done that unless I was sure."

"You're just not sure about me," Amy finished sadly.

"That's not it," Evan insisted. "It's not about doubting you Amy. You've been my constant since we were kids. It's about fear - I guess I'm just scared I'm going to lose you and I don't think I could handle that."

"Oh Evan," Amy rolled over him, pressing her cheek to his as she hugged him. There were no words she could say to take that fear away. Instead she reminded him with her kisses and her body pressing into his that she was there, right then ... that they were as real as it got together. That it would have to be enough for both of them.

* * *

Later, after they'd been unable to resist the lure of some much needed sleep, they showered and dressed, deciding to stay in and order dinner rather than go out.

"Chinese," Amy decided, making the call and placing an order.

"So," Evan began as soon as she hung up. "Are you still marrying me while I'm here?"

Amy blinked, surprised at his bluntness. "Of course - and no, I'm not going to add 'if you still want to'. You asked and I accepted so as far as I'm concerned the wedding part is just a formality."

"Hey, you're not getting any arguments from me," Evan shot back. "I only asked because I thought you'd have cancelled everything."

"I did," Amy smiled mischievously, "but I decided to take your words to heart."

"What words?" Evan narrowed his eyes suspiciously as he thought back to what he'd written. When Amy grinned almost evilly he shook his head. "No way. We are _not _getting married in some tacky Elvis chapel!" he stated firmly.

"Aw," Amy pouted for a moment but then lost it to laughter as Evan glared at her. "Relax," she admonished. "Of course we're not going to Vegas. Originally I called the Registry Office here but they needed me to book a specific date four weeks in advance. So I called the Petersen Chapel and spoke to one of the chaplains. Given the situation he was very supportive of fitting us in during your leave. I just have to let them know now you're here."

"You want to get married at an air force base?" Evan was genuinely surprised.

"Why not?" Amy queried. "You _have _given your life to the Air Force right? And since your life is my life that means so have I. The least they can do is make it possible for us to get married without weeks of notice."

"True," Evan smiled, touched and moved by her easy acceptance and commitment to the choices he'd made. "You, Amy Rousseau, soon to be Lorne, are a treasure," he intoned, cupping her cheek with gentle respect.

"Oh, get away with you," she flushed, ducking her head away. Regrouping quickly, she looked at him pointedly. "And who said I was changing my name anyway?"

"_I _did," Evan put all the command of an Air Force Major into his tone.

"Well then," she said lightly, "I guess I'm changing my name." Amy smiled, not admitting that she'd had every intention of doing so.

"Good," Evan didn't bother to hide his smug satisfaction. Sure, maybe it wasn't as traditional as it used to be but Amy was his family and he wanted everyone to know - he needed that formal, obvious cue that told everyone they were a single unit. He wanted her to have the protection of his name too - the instant support and backing it would give her should she ever need it. And if it spoke to the elemental male within him - possession, laying claim to a beautiful and talented woman worthy of anyone's respect, putting his figurative mark on her - that was just an added bonus he would never admit to enjoying.

"Now ... can you order me around again?" Amy shifted closer, rising up a little as she ran her hands down his chest. "I never realised how ... sexy your commanding voice is."

"It's not sexy!" Evan protested even as he put a hand to her back to urge her closer. "It's serious and ... manly," he struggled to come up with the right words with her breathing hotly into his ear.

"_Very _manly," she agreed in a voice full of intent.

"Dinner," Evan tried to remind her they'd have someone at the door soon, his voice catching when she nipped along the side of his neck.

"I don't need long," Amy smiled when he swallowed hard, his eyes going dark with desire. "Seven months," she grabbed his hand and pulled him in the direction of the bedroom, reminding him that they had a _lot_ of catching up to do.

* * *

"Major Lorne, Ms Rousseau," Chaplain Jones greeted Evan and Amy cordially the next day, his expression friendly and welcoming. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you Major."

"Evan, please," Lorne invited, a hand to Amy's back as they followed the chaplain to his office.

The older man smiled, waving a hand to his visitor chairs before taking a seat himself. "While I'm aware that time is short I still felt it important to meet you both before agreeing to perform your marriage ceremony."

"So Amy said," Evan looked at the chaplain curiously. "Neither of us could be considered young and we've been together for years. Any particular reason why?"

"As I understand it you're stationed a considerable distance from here Evan," Chaplain Jones said gently. "Even for a couple with a very strong foundation that can place a great deal of pressure on _both_ parties."

"We know that chaplain," Amy said earnestly. "And at first Evan wanted to end it for that very reason."

"Amy," Evan put a hand over hers, frowning.

"Why was that?" Chaplain Jones looked at Evan expectantly – there was no way he couldn't respond.

"Because communication is heavily restricted, as is travel home," he said simply. "That kind of separate is difficult. Sometimes loving someone means putting them first – even if it kills you to let them go."

"And yet here you are," the chaplain smiled.

"Yeah, because Amy can be very convincing when she wants something," Evan joked. Relenting he shrugged. "Amy helped me realise this isn't one of those times – that leaving would have been the easy option."

"You're coping?" Chaplain Jones asked Amy.

She took a deep breath, glancing at Evan before meeting the chaplain's eyes. "I am. I won't even try to convince you it isn't hard. I'm used to Evan being posted overseas or going away on missions but not like this. Not where we can't even talk over the phone. I get upset and I have times when I really wish he was here but I can handle that knowing this is just a stage of our lives we have to get through."

"And you agree – this is just one phase of your career?"

Evan hesitated for a moment. "I have a key role at the base – I don't see that changing in the immediate future. But in the longer term, yes, this is just one post of many I'll probably have."

"And what about children?" Chaplain Jones looked from Evan to Amy. "My apologies Ms Rousseau but I feel it important for you to acknowledge your age, particularly in light of what Evan just revealed."

"We've talked about it," Amy glanced at Evan again, a faint flush of embarrassment staining her cheeks. "We still have a few years but I know that time will disappear in a flash if I don't pay attention. It's the one thing we can't put on hold."

"And you both want children?"

"Yes," Evan spoke for both of them. "Amy wants to push forward on that sooner rather than later, while I'm still stationed where I am right now." He hesitated, deciding that he had to be open, and continued. "To be honest, I'm not sure I can deliberately father a child knowing up front I'm going to miss so much of its early life."

"You never said that," Amy touched his hand, drawing his attention.

"I know," he shrugged. "You dropped it on me so suddenly I didn't have time to think. Once I did ...," he trailed off, not sure how to express that it didn't feel right, the idea of leaving her alone during what should be a special time for both of them. Seeing the expression in her eyes – disappointment, confusion, and wariness, he shook his head. "I'm not saying no Amy," he sought to reassure her. "I'm aware of the timetable as much as you are – and I'll request a transfer before it becomes a problem."

"There are no guarantees," Chaplain Jones reminded them that a desire for children didn't always equate to having them, no matter how early a couple started down that road. "How important is that to your future relationship."

"It's not a deal breaker," Amy said immediately, her choice of words so like what Evan himself would have said that he grinned. "I've known since I was 12 and Evan was 14 that we'd be together."

Chaplain Jones smiled, nodding. "Well, I can only congratulate you both. Clearly communication, even with your current restrictions, isn't a problem. As long as you commit to being open with each other, live up to the promise you're making, I'm sure you'll do very well together."

"Thank you chaplain," Evan said, glancing at Amy with an expression that said 'see? I told you glossing over things was a bad idea!'.

She shook her head at him ruefully, a faint smile playing over her face. Turning to the chaplain she asked expectantly "so you'll marry us while Evan's on leave?"

"Of course," Chaplain Jones replied. "When would you like to have the ceremony?" He shifted to grab his calendar, opening it and tracing a finger over the following days. "I can fit you in as early as tomorrow if you like."

"Really?" Amy said at the same time that Evan said "We'll take it." Amy turned to him incredulously. "Really?" she said again.

"Sure, why not?" Evan queried.

"What about your Mom? And my parents?" Amy asked.

"I can get them on a flight tonight or first thing tomorrow," Evan wasn't going to be swayed. They were so close and there was no way he was letting in the possibility of something else going wrong. "So, what do you say?"

"I say book us in," Amy declared, a huge smile blossoming on her face. She almost bounced in her chair as she looked at him. "I can't believe we're actually going to do this!"

"It's been a long time coming," Evan agreed.

"If you can spare a few minutes now we can iron out the details," Chaplain Jones offered. "Then you'll know what to tell your families."

"Thank you," Evan shared a smile with his soon to be wife. "What do we need to do?"

* * *

The following hours passed so quickly that when he thought back later Evan could hardly recall what they'd spent all their time on. In short order he'd organised for his Mom and Amy's parents to fly from San Francisco, arriving early enough to make it to Petersen comfortably. They'd also booked a hotel for their families, deciding they'd retire back to Amy's house instead of going anywhere after the ceremony.

He protested when Amy insisted he had to stay somewhere else overnight – that he couldn't see her until the ceremony.

"I live here when I'm not on base," he reminded her. "Don't you think it's a little hypocritical to pretend otherwise?"

"No, it's tradition and I'm not messing with that," Amy shot back, taking his arm and urging him to the door. "I have to go and shop for something to wear anyway."

He didn't comment that he didn't care what she wore, because he knew it was all part of the experience for her. "Fine, I'll go stay at the base," he capitulated, knowing there was no point in arguing.

"Evan, wait," Amy said just as he reached for the door knob. When he turned back she continued. "Are you going to invite anyone besides your Mom?"

"Elaine has a lot further to come but she said she'd try to get there," Evan offered.

"What about your old team?"

"Ah ...," Evan frowned, thinking. "I wasn't planning to," he admitted. "I'll think about it ... but you invite whoever you want, okay."

"Okay," Amy smiled. Wrapping her arms around his middle she laid her head against his chest with a sigh. "See you tomorrow," she murmured.

"Tomorrow," Evan promised, pulling her up and kissing her heatedly. "So you regret sending me off," he teased once he's stepped back, leaving her bemused and unsteady on her feet.

"Go," Amy laughed, pushing him out the door.

"I'm going," Evan grabbed her and kissed her again before letting himself be manoeuvred outside. The door closed behind him, the echo of her laughter accompanying him down the side walk.

Getting temporary quarters on base was a formality, as was preparing his gear for the following day - he had his dress uniform pressed and ready to go hours before he could conceivably turn in for the night. With nothing else to do his thoughts returned to Amy's question. Should he invite his old team? He'd trusted Captain Harris to deliver his ring to Amy. And he'd talked about Amy from time to time so it wouldn't be a surprise for them to get an invitation.

Making a decision he picked up the phone and began dialling. Once that was done he found himself thinking back to the day he'd found out he was going to Atlantis. He wouldn't say the song he'd listened to on the way over to Amy's influenced his decision but there was no doubt it had made him think. Abruptly he decided they needed another song for the wedding – the idea of full circle appealing to him. Besides, it was traditional to have music at a wedding, right?

Now all he had to do was find the right song – luckily he had nothing else to do to kill the time until he could marry Amy.

* * *

If anyone asked him later Evan wouldn't be able to tell them much about the hours before he got married. He picked his Mom up at the hotel, sent one of his former team mates to go get his sister when she rang from the airport, spoke to the chaplain and the few friends Amy had invited. Somewhere in there he dressed ... there was also plenty of impatient pacing. Now he'd gotten to the point of getting married he wanted it done.

No, most of the pre wedding hours were a blur in his mind, clarity in his memories starting from the moment Amy appeared in the doorway of the chapel, looking beautiful in a simple dress, light blue, the fabric floating around her legs to just touch the floor. She carried a simple bouquet and her hair sparkled with tiny gems that caught the sunlight streaming through the windows. Her eyes were lit from within as she caught sight of him standing there waiting for her.

He smiled, feeling a rush of pride and love sweep over him. There she was ... his Amy. Why had he waited so long to do this?

"Hi," Amy greeted him like they were meeting for the usual date, the happiness radiating off her almost tangible.

"Hi," he smiled back. "You look ... _amazing_," he intoned, her smile brigtening even further as they both turned to the chaplain.

The ceremony used the standard words – there'd been no time to tailor their own and in the end it was the commitment, not the words used to signify it, that counted.

Evan felt the surge of something primal inside when Chaplain Jones finally spoke those eight powerful words. "I now pronounce you husband and wife."

He kissed Amy – his _wife_ – with little regard for their audience, smiling against her lips when she seemed equally as reluctant to let him go. They had to though, the chaplain announcing that it was time for the newly married couple to sign documents to make it all official.

On queue with the arrangement Evan made with one of the chapel staff, music began to play.

_"I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy.  
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need.  
I'll love you more with every breath, truly, madly, deeply, do  
I will be strong, I will be faithful, 'cause I'm counting on _

_a new beginning,  
a reason for living,  
a deeper meaning, yeah._

_I wanna stand with you on a mountain._  
_I wanna bathe with you in the sea._  
_I wanna lay like this forever,_  
_until the sky falls down on me._

_And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,_  
_I'll make a wish, send it to heaven, then make you want to cry_  
_the tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty_  
_that we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of_

_the highest powers,_  
_in lonely hours_  
_the tears devour you._

_I wanna stand with you on a mountain._  
_I wanna bathe with you in the sea._  
_I wanna lay like this forever,_  
_until the sky falls down on me._

_Oh can you see it baby?_  
_You don't have to close your eyes,_  
_'cause it's standing right before you._  
_All that you need will surely come._

_I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy._  
_I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need._  
_I'll love you more with every breath, truly, madly, deeply, do_

_I wanna stand with you on a mountain.  
I wanna bathe with you in the sea.  
I wanna lay like this forever,  
until the sky falls down on me._

_I wanna stand with you on a mountain._  
_I wanna bathe with you in the sea._  
_I want to live like this forever,_  
_until the sky falls down on me."_

"Did you arrange that?" Amy asked once they were done signing, his Mom and hers acting as their official witnesses.

"Yeah," Evan admitted. "There was a song – the day I proposed. I'll tell you about it some time. It seemed fitting to have one today. Did you like if?"

"I did," Amy threaded her arm through is and shifted close as the chaplain urged them to move back to the front of the chapel. "You know you're already all those things to me."

"Likewise," Evan returned, aware that everyone was waiting for them.

They turned to face their small audience as the chaplain spoke. "May I present Major and Mrs Lorne."


	5. Worth Fighting For

**Authors Note:**

Sorry it's been so long since I posted anything - I've lost my writing mojo lately, despite having a plan to finish this story. I finally managed to get this chapter done, and I think one more chapter will finish it all. I should probably put a fluff/tissue alert on this chapter too ... just in case. If you don't enjoy an emotional Lorne you probably won't like this.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Worth fighting for**

"Major?"

Evan looked up from his computer to see the city's leader standing in his office doorway. Brow arched he stood, trying to remember if Doctor Weir had ever come down to see him like this, but coming up blank. "Ma'am," he said, instinctively shifting to stand up.

"Please, don't get up," Elizabeth said, moving into the room.

She seemed to hesitate and he felt it – that first fission of anxiety that something had gone horribly wrong. He'd been back from leave for over a month – and gone through an uncomfortable week of being the most interesting thing in the city after news of his change of marital status had spread through Atlantis. Not that he'd needed to make a general announcement – telling his team and making sure they knew it wasn't a secret had more than done the job. Interest had been high at first and he'd gotten a few questions from people about his new wife – _wife_ … there hadn't been enough time back on Earth for him to really enjoy the unique thrill that word inspired inside. Lucky for him another crisis had taken over the city when Doctor Weir decided bringing two abandoned life pods into the city was a good idea. He'd become old news after she and Colonel Sheppard were taken over by long dead entities who'd shared what he'd heard was a pretty heated kiss before beginning an hours long pursuit throughout the city, intent on killing each other. Thankfully for all of them those entities hadn't been able to hold on to Weir and Sheppard long enough to succeed and things had returned to normal … the Atlantis version of it anyway.

"Is everything okay Ma'am?" he asked carefully.

"The Daedalus made contact as soon as it was within range Major," Doctor Weir began. "There was an urgent message for you … a personal message."

The chill descended and all he could do was wait for what was coming next – part of him begging her not to say it.

"I'm sorry Major," Elizabeth leaned forward, projecting compassion. "Your wife was involved in a car accident two days ago – she's in intensive care at Colorado Hospital." She took a breath and finished. "You've been given clearance to use the gate to return to Earth immediately."

Clearance for leave and an immediate return? Using the Daedalus to get the message to him when the weekly dial in was only a couple of days away? That screamed disastrously serious – they wouldn't put such a rush on things unless someone back home was convinced Amy wasn't going to make it.

He was on his feet without conscious thought. "Ma'am?"

"Go," Elizabeth urged.

And he was up and running, not bothering to stop at his quarters for anything. Chuck must have been informed because he began dialling the gate before Lorne could even ask, the wormhole punching into the room moments later. Evan hurried through the gate without a backward glance, all of his focus on where he was going, not what he was leaving behind.

"Major," General Landry greeted him formally as soon as his feet hit the ramp. "I have transport ready for you."

"Thank you Sir," Lorne managed, glad for everything that was left unspoken. They both knew why Evan was there – he didn't need anything but the fastest track to Amy's side, and he was grateful that Landry understood that.

The ride to the hospital was a blur because he was consumed with his thoughts, waging an internal war between fearing the worst and trying to convince himself that everything would be okay. That and a part of him just wanting to stop time so that he wouldn't have to find out just how bad the situation really was. The 'what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him' … or in this case kill him. No, losing Amy just wasn't an option he was willing to spend even a moment thinking about - he'd crushed those thoughts from existence by the time they arrived.

Striding up to reception desk at the ICU Evan quickly gave his name and asked to see Amy.

"Your wife is in room three Major," the nurse on duty told him gently, "but Doctor Galliford would like to speak to you before you go in and see her. If you have a seat I'll let the Doctor know you've arrived."

"Sure, of course," Evan agreed, moving to sit down. His nerves were jumping around and it was a struggle to hold on to his calm facade, his face turning stony as he held his emotions in check.

"Major, I'm Doctor Lillian Galliford," the too young looking woman who approached him said. "May I?" she gestured to the seat beside him.

Evan nodded, not able to find his voice in the face of this woman's serious demeanour. And then he just listened as the bare facts were laid out for him. Amy's car had been hit head-on when another driver swerved into her lane. She had broken bones, organ damage, blood loss. All of those things, while serious, were fixable – and had been through the two surgeries Amy had been through since they'd brought her to Emergency. She'd escaped any major head trauma so brain damage wasn't a concern either. In fact, all things considered, Amy should have been well on her way to recovering. Only she wasn't. She hadn't regained consciousness and they didn't know why. All they knew was that her vitals were unstable and weakening – and that she was slipping away.

"We've conducted a number of tests to determine if there's additional damage we didn't find during surgery," Doctor Galliford explained, "but so far we just haven't been able to find a cause for your wife's current condition. We'll continue to investigate every option but if your wife's rate of deterioration continues and we can't find a way to address it, the prognosis isn't encouraging."

Evan swallowed hard, his eyes locked on the floor.

"You can see her now," Doctor Galliford said. "Talk to her, let her know you're here. The human spirit is an amazing thing Major … this might just be what she needs to find her way back to us."

Nodding, Evan got to his feet. His legs felt like jelly and walking to follow a nurse to Amy's room felt strange – like he was disconnected from himself.

"She'd hooked up to a number of machines," the nurse warned. "Try to ignore the surroundings and just focus on your wife."

Hardly paying attention, Evan looked through the glass doors as they opened, his eyes going straight to the bed.

_Oh god!_ Amy seemed so small – frail – with an air surrounding her that screamed to him that she was already halfway gone. Her skin was so pale he could see the veins under the surface ... the bruises the crash had left on her stood out starkly in contrast. There were bandages there too - hiding more evidence of what she'd been through. His eyes misted and he had to stop just inside the door, taking a few calming breaths before he felt able to keep going.

Dropping to the chair at her side, he took her hand so carefully, afraid that somehow he'd do her damage. "Amy," he whispered, his voice coming out raspy and thick with emotion. That kernel of hope he'd had that she'd sense he was there and wake up immediately was dashed when she gave no signs that she'd heard him.

"Amy," he said again, this time a kind of protest for the situation. Struggling to find any words, he dropped his head to their joined hands and just breathed, trying to get a handle on himself.

* * *

Things only got worse from there – Evan stood by as they ran more tests that revealed nothing. Amy was slipping away and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it except sit there and watch it happen. The frustration and the pain were excruciating and he felt like he was going crazy – he had energy to burn and nothing to direct it at. When the nurses asked him to take a break so they could change Amy's bed sheets, he strode away from the ICU, rapid steps eating up the corridor but no destination in mind. Turning corners and pushing through doors he eventually ended up at the most unlikely of places.

The hospital chapel.

It was deserted and he sank to a seat near the front, folding his arms over the seats in front and dropping his forehead to rest on his hands. What was he going to do? He didn't want to contemplate the what if of Amy not making it, but the horror of that conclusion seemed to be rushing forward to shatter his life, and he didn't know how to stop it. The world has stopped making sense – why Amy? And what good were all his skills and all the things he'd seen if he couldn't use any of it to help her?

Sinking into his despairing thoughts it took Evan a few moments to realise he was no longer alone, and that only because music started to waft from the back of the chapel towards him. Clearly the other person had no idea someone had beaten them to this place of solitude.

"_Love is not a place, to come and go as we please._

_It's a house we enter in, and then commit to never leave._

_So lock the door behind you, throw away the key._

_We'll work it out together, let it bring us to our knees._

_Love is a shelter in a raging storm._

_Love is peace in the middle of a war._

_And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door._

_No, love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for."_

Evan was trembling but he didn't realise it. How could he when the words from a stranger's song were cutting into his heart? He and Amy weren't a choice – they'd locked the door on any other kind of life and ground the key into dust. And if anyone had ever needed a shelter from the harshness of life, to give him a place inside to find peace when what he saw got a little too rough, it was Evan Lorne. Amy gave him that and so much more. She was worth fighting for – _he just didn't know how_!

"_To some love is a word, that they can fall into, _

_but when they're falling out, keeping their word is hard to do._

_Love is a shelter in a raging storm._

_Love is peace in the middle of a war._

_And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door._

_No, love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for._

_Love will come to save us, _

_if we'll only call. _

_He will ask nothing from us, _

_but demand we give our all."_

Amy didn't need love to save her – she needed _him_. And as he listened, the first inkling of an idea because to surface in Evan's mind. In fact, now that he'd had the idea he wasn't sure why he hadn't thought of it in the first place. What he wanted was a big ask, and yet how could he not make use of every available resource? As he got up and made his way down the rows towards the doors the final strains of the song seemed to draw him forward.  
_  
"I will fight for you!_

_Would you fight for me?_

_It's worth fighting for."_

"Hey, I'm sorry man, I didn't see you there," a young man apologised, his attire and the cloth he had in hand announcing him to be one of the janitorial staff.

"It's fine," Evan returned.

"I can turn the music off," the man offered.

"No, that's okay," Lorne forced a half smile. "I have somewhere I need to be anyway," he added, pushing the doors open.

An hour later, after a swift return to the ICU where he'd urged Amy to hang on until he got back, promising that he'd fix everything, Lorne pulled into the car park at the SGC. Time to do what never came naturally – lay his heart out in plain view.

* * *

"Ma'am," Evan hovered in the doorway of Colonel Carter's lab, waiting for her acknowledgement.

"Major," Sam smiled, gesturing him forward. Her expression changing to sympathetic, she continued. "I was sorry to hear about your wife's accident. How is she doing?"

"In all honesty, not very well," Evan returned starkly. "That's why I'm here actually." He looked at the Colonel, his expression unguarded. And then he took a determined breath, pursed his lips, and jumped in boots first. "Amy," he said it softly. "Her name is Amy. She's been something to me since we were kids. I know this is going to sound desperate Ma'am but she is going to die unless I can find a way to help her. And I have ... _you_."

"Me?" Carter reared back a little, pinning him with a puzzled frown. "Don't get me wrong Major, I'd like to help. I just don't see how I can."

"The Goa'uld healing device Ma'am," Evan explained earnestly. "The problem is that the doctors don't know what's wrong with Amy. She'd slipping away and they can't find a reason why ... but you _could_."

"Major," Sam winced, reluctance crossing her face before resolve took over. "You're talking about potentially revealing national secrets to a civilian without any kind of security clearance. You know I can't condone that."

"_My wife is dying_," Evan ground out harshly. "What good is any of what we're doing out there if we can't use it to save someone?"

"I'm sorry Evan," Sam got up, putting a hand on his arm and ignoring the way he flinched.

"Please ...," he begged. He met Sam's eyes, his burning with tears unshed. "She's all I have ... I'm not sure I can do any of this without her."

"I'm so sorry," Sam reiterated, her own eyes dark with regret. "I wish there was a way to make what you want possible ..."

Maybe she didn't mean it, but with sudden clarity Evan realised there _was_ a way ... one that would risk his entire career and everything he'd worked so hard for two decades to achieve. But love _was_ worth fighting for ... and in this case it demanded that he give up everything to keep it alive.

"I'm sorry I wasted your time, Colonel," Evan told Sam, straightening and stepping back, suddenly brisk.

"Major," Sam protested, but he shook his head.

"Permission to return to the ICU Ma'am," he barely waited for her troubled nod before he spun and strode from the room.

* * *

It was all business from that moment on. He knew what he had to do and he became the epitome of 'Major Lorne' as he planned out a course of action and then didn't hesitate to implement it. Supplies – the right kind – would be crucial. Evan was well known at the SGC and no one thought anything of it when he requisitioned a few items. There was one thing he needed that he couldn't requisition – but he's found over the years that if you acted like you were meant to be doing what you were doing, nobody questioned you. Especially if they were military and you outranked them. An hour after leaving Colonel Carter's lab Lorne had everything he needed for phase one of his plan. Time to move into phase two.

The first step was a return to the hospital – he left it until it was dark and visiting hours over before he made his way back to the ICU. "How's she doing?" he asked the duty nurse, his eyes on where Amy lay so still and pale.

"There's been no improvement," she replied. "You should stay close now Major Lorne ...," she advised. There was no getting away from the prognosis in that. They wanted him nearby because they were expecting Amy to lose the fight – probably before the night was out.

"I see," he said blankly. The enormity of the situation and what he had to do froze his feet to the floor and it took real effort to shake it off. "And there's no hope?" he asked faintly.

"I'm sorry, but Doctor Galliford said she's done everything medically possible," the nurse advised. "It's in your wife's hands now."

"Does she need all that stuff around her?" Evan gestured to the machines and wires connecting Amy to the ICU equipment.

"I ...," the nurse frowned. "I suppose not," she allowed. "Let me call the Doctor for you."

"Thank you," Evan got out, moving to stand at the door of Amy's room.

The nurse joined him a few moments later, nodding when he looked at her quizzically. "Just give me a few moments Major and then you can come and sit with your wife.

Evan felt the sympathy directed at him and wanted to protest that he didn't need it - his wife was going to be fine! Instead he stood by while Amy was disconnected from every monitor, each machine switched off until the room was silent.

"Press the call button when ... if you need anything," the nurse told him before leaving him alone with Amy.

Evan stood for a moment, his mind full of everything that had to come next. And then he shifted into action.

"If you were awake you'd tell me what I'm about to do is crazy," Evan spoke in a low tone as he moved to the storage units along one wall, opening doors and looking inside. "And you'd be right, so if you want to stop me, now would be the time to wake up and show these doctors how wrong they are."

The silence was oppressive – straightening, a blanket now in hand, Evan nodded. "I didn't think so," he kept talking, whether to break through to Amy or to keep himself on track, he wasn't sure. "So we're going for a little ride." He gently manoeuvred an arm under and around Amy, lifting her and wrapping the blanket around her. And then Evan carefully lifted his wife from the bed and gathered her close, waiting a moment as though expecting some kind of reaction. When none came, he smiled. "This is where it gets a little tricky," he told her, moving for the door. At the best of times Amy was slight – after three days in hospital she felt lighter, her weight easily born with the strength of one arm. Evan slowly pushed the door handle down and then carefully opened the door a sliver. Another pause before he pushed it all the way open and silently walked out into the corridor. Amy's room was halfway down the row of ICU rooms and thankfully not visible from the desk. Walking briskly but not hurrying Evan shifted Amy's body a little as he headed for the back stairs.

In the end it was too easy to walk out with Amy in his arms, wrapped in a hospital blanket. Settling her in the front seat of his car, clipping the seat belt into place he then hurried around to the driver's side. And then he set course for phase three of his plan. Glancing at Amy every few metres to reassure himself that she was still with him, Evan drove through the silent streets of Colorado Springs, and on to Cheyenne Mountain. Instead of going to the main check point he pulled off the road, killing the engine.

This was where it all turned deadly serious. Up until then he'd done nothing illegal – he hadn't signed Amy out of the hospital but she was his wife and at the end of the day the final say on medical decisions was his. They weren't going to throw him in jail for taking her with him. But as soon as he broke the seal on the maintenance shaft that was through the trees before them, that would change. They could and probably would lock him in the nearest brig where he'd stay until they court marshalled his ass out of the air force, after a not so quick stopover at Leavenworth.

Not to mention how careful he'd have to be getting a still seriously injured Amy down to Level 19 where Colonel Carter's lab was situated. He's briefly considered calling in a favour with one of the tech guys up on the Apollo but decided against it. This was his crime and his alone, and if he had to go down for it he was determined to do it alone. Eyes directed out the windscreen, Lorne didn't really see the view in front of him. Instead he was focussed internally, on the life he'd have if he didn't do this for Amy.

There was no choice.

Resolutely he got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, carefully lifting his wife back into his arms. The woods were quiet as he walked, his feet rustling the underbrush. At the maintenance hatch he carefully lowered Amy to the ground, supporting her weight against him as he used the Ancient hand device he'd taken from the research lab (thank God they'd still been testing it's capabilities at teh SGC) to overload the locking mechanism, something he wouldn't have been able to do when locks were still hardware instead of digital. When the security crew ran the maintenance program they'd get an error for this hatch but hopefully by the time they did that whatever was going to happen with Lorne would be well and truly done.

Quickly rigging abseiling ropes around himself he picked Amy up, pulling her into him and securing the ropes around her too, hoping like hell that he wasn't doing more damage with the necessity of making sure he could carry her _and_ hold on to the ladder at the same time. "We're almost there," he told her as he worked. "Hold on Love. Just hold on for me for a little bit longer, okay?"

Standing, he moved with Amy, testing that there was sufficient support for her and enough manoeuvrability for him. Adjusting Amy so that her head rested on his shoulder and using gravity to help his body carry her weight, he took a deep breath. What he was going to do wouldn't be any less crazy by delaying - time to put it all on the line.

Looking back on it later Evan wasn't sure _how_ he managed to carry an unconscious and seriously injured woman down the ladder of a narrow maintenance shaft – just that untold minutes later, the muscles in his arms trembling with the effort and Amy too still and pale, he arrived on the level he needed. Stripping away the supporting ropes he carried Amy onwards, determinedly under his own steam.

His trip to the hospital – the drive and the time he's spent preparing and then getting down to level 19 – had eaten up the evening hours and the SGC was on night watch. Minimal staffing meant corridors that were deserted – no one saw him open the maintenance door to get inside, and no one saw him carrying his wife down the hall. With little fuss Evan arrived at Colonel Carter's lab – a layer of tension he'd been holding inside relaxed when he saw the light coming from under the door. He'd checked the duty schedule for off world missions, sussed out what would have Samantha Carter glued to her lab – he'd expected her to be there and yet it was still a relief to be proven right.

"Okay, this is it," he told Amy, facing that closed door.

He didn't knock. Instead he twisted the handle and then nudged the door open, striding inside and then elbowing the door closed again behind him. Sam was so engrossed in her work that it took a moment for her 'non scientist' senses to pick up that she was no longer alone.

"Major?" her tone was incredulous as she looked up and registered what her eyes were seeing. Major Evan Lorne with an unconscious woman in his arms.

"Colonel," he closed the distance between them, stopping a few paces away – close enough that Sam would be able to see how pale Amy was – closee enough to see the hope and the desperation in his eyes. "Earlier, when you said you wished there was a way you could help my wife ... did you mean it?"

"Evan," Sam sighed, joining all the dots with no explanation required.

"I'm not asking you to do anything for me personally Ma'am," Evan rushed into speech. "I can face the consequences – I don't care what they are. What I couldn't face is letting Amy die when there was something I could do to save her." The Colonel looked at him – _assessed _him – and Evan met her gaze head on, nothing but certainty and resolve in his. "Please," he pleaded unashamedly.

"You know I can't condone this course of action," Sam shook her head.

"Not willingly," Evan agreed, shifting a little to reveal the unmistakable shape of an M-16 strapped to his thigh. "I came prepared Colonel – please don't make me cross the line that far."

Silence fell – Lorne wished he knew what Sam was thinking. He wished Amy would wake up and tell him what to do next. What if Colonel Carter didn't capitulate? Would he really pull a weapon on a superior officer he both admired and respected? How far was he willing to go?

Glancing down at the woman in his arms, Evan raised a hand, smoothing back a strand of her blonde hair. Sunshine ... pure soul – stark because her sunny smile, the one that radiated happiness and demanded you smile back, wasn't there. Song lyrics shot through his head, cutting him again.

"_Love will come to save us, _

_if we'll only call. _

_He will ask nothing from us, _

_but demand we give our all."_

Looking up again, he froze. Sam was watching him – observing him, her expression softening.

"Okay, I'll try," she said simply. "But we do this in the infirmary, with a doctor in attendance."

Nodding, Evan couldn't bring himself to say anything. Swallowing hard he shifted to let the Colonel precede him from the room, following her silently through the corridors, into the lift, until they stepped out on Level 21. They made one stop along the way – to pick up the healing device from secure lock-up.

"Colonel," Doctor Lam was on duty – another stroke of luck for Amy. It didn't take Caroline even a second to assess the situation. "Put her here Major Lorne," she directed Evan to the nearest bed. "What happened?"

"Car accident," Evan replied, staying close to Amy's side. "A few days ago ... the doctors ... they can't find what's wrong with her."

"I'm going to try the Goa'uld healing device," Carter announced, holding up the alien object.

She and Doctor Lam exchanged glances and Caroline nodded, her eyes narrowed as she deduced the rest of the story. "Let me get some monitoring equipment hooked up first," she said firmly. Moving quickly and efficiently Lam connected Amy to now familiar machines, taking some readings as she worked. "What's your wife's name Major?" she asked almost casually.

"Amy," Evan got out, watching everything as he tried to balance the hope surging inside against what he knew of the success and failure of past attempts to use the healing device.

"How long have you been married?" Lam continued.

Maybe it was standard practice to distract the spouse while you worked, probably because it worked. Evan's thoughts were instantly on that day only a handful of weeks before. "Not long enough," he murmured, unaware of the way Sam and Caroline both smiled. To him it wasn't romantic – it was just fact. A lifetime with Amy wouldn't be long enough.

Doctor Lam finished setting everything up and switched on the machines. The sound of Amy's heartbeat wasn't as strong or as rhythmic as it should be, but it _was_ there – hearing it weakened Evan's legs to the point he had to lean against the bed to steady himself.

"She's weak," Caroline observed to Lorne. "Even if Colonel Carter is able to repair the underlying damage we'll still need to treat her for blood loss at the very least."

"But she'll have a chance," Evan commented, nodding. "That's more than she had this morning."

"Yes," Caroline agreed. Turning to Sam she nodded. "When you're ready Colonel."

Sam stepped forward, the device already on her right hand. She closed her eyes and seemed to brace herself, tensing, focussed internally. The gem at the heart of the device lit up, glowing orange. Sam ran it slowly over Amy's body from head to toe and then back again, her brow creased in concentration.

It took longer than Evan was expecting, and all the while he couldn't tell if it was working. The wait was maddening - no matter how hard he stared, no matter how much he strained to discern any kind of progress, he just couldn't. Amy was still pale, still silent, unmoving.

And then her heartrate kicked up, even as Sam staggered back, her eyes open, the device now dead in her hand.

Doctor Lam shifted forward to assess Amy but Evan's eyes were still on Sam, his expression hopefully quizzical.

"I did what I could," Sam said weakly.

She looked exhausted and Lorne knew that if sheer will and determination counted for anything then Amy had received the best that the Colonel could offer. "Thank you," his voice shook too much but she didn't comment. Instead she put a bracing hand on his shoulder, turning to Caroline. "Well?" she asked hopefully.

"Her vital signs are stabilising," Caroline reported. "I'll get a blood transfusion going – keep her under close observation for the next few hours – but at this stage it looks promising."

"She's going to be okay?" Evan needed to confirm that he'd understood correctly.

"With rest and plenty of recovery time, yes, she'll be okay," Caroline said with a smile.

"Oh God," Lorne staggered back until he hit the bed next to Amy's, putting a hand to his eyes as he struggled to gather himself together. Amy was going to be fine ... she was going to be _fine_. "Just give me – " he held up a hand, silently begging for a minute to compose himself.

When he looked up both women were watching him with matching expressions – concern mixed with that look women got when they thought something was fluffy and romantic. He shifted uncomfortably, directing his eyes to his wife. It was probably his imagination but she looked better already – less pale, more connected to his world instead of whatever came next. "_Thank you Lord_," he thought reverently. He'd given it his all because saving Amy was worth everything ... including whatever happened next.

"Ma'am," he turned to Colonel Carter, his posture straightening and his expression going formal. "I'm ready to –"

"stay with your wife," Sam finished for him. "I don't think you're a flight risk Evan. We'll talk about the rest of it in the morning."

Evan hesitated for a moment – part of him wanted the consequences out there in the open but as he looked back to Amy he knew the chance to stay with her for a bit longer was a gift he couldn't pass up.

"I'm glad Amy's okay," Sam added, putting a hand to his shoulder as she moved to leave the infirmary.

"Ma'am," Evan called out just before she got to the doors. Sam turned back, her brows raised. "Thank you," Evan said feelingly. "I can't begin to tell you what this means to me."

"You don't have to," Sam replied. "I can see for myself." She smiled as she added "she's a lucky woman," before she turned and left the infirmary.

Evan felt the heat of embarrassment shift over his face – now that the heat of the crisis had passed he was suddenly aware of how much he'd revealed of his heart – to Colonel Carter and Doctor Lam - but he couldn't let it matter. Turning back to Amy's bed he took a seat beside her, aware of the activity that went on around them to ensure Amy had everything she needed to fully recover, but not paying it any real attention. There were still hours of darkness to get through and he had no intention of spending any of them doing anything other that watching as Amy gradually gave him more and more signs that she was getting better. Taking her hand he shifted to get comfortable, resting his head on the bed beside their joined hands.

"Evan?"

It was only a whisper but his entire focus was on Amy – instantly he was up and moving closer, a hand to her brow as he sought to reassure her. "I'm here," he said gently, smiling as she blinked open those blue eyes he'd feared he'd never see again.

"Here?" Amy frowned, her eyes locked to his.

"Hospital," he told her. "You were in an accident a few days ago but you're gonna be fine now."

"Oh," Amy grimaced as she registered more, her eyes shifting to look around her. "Where are we?" she asked.

Evan glanced around too, realised the SGC infirmary didn't look like any hospital Amy would have ever seen. "Long story," he told her uncomfortably, feeling all at once like a naughty child about to get caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

She shouldn't have been able to narrow her eyes at him, or look suspicious, but she pulled it off only minutes after regaining consciousness. "What did you do?" she asked firmly.

"What I had to," he returned, suddenly grim. She looked worried and he shook his head, going for a reassuring smile. "Listen, don't worry about me. There'll be plenty of time to talk about this later. For now you concentrate on getting better, because that's all that matters to me. Okay?"

She hesitated for a moment and then nodded. "Okay," she murmured, her eyes going back to unfocussed. "I'm tired," she tightened her hand on his even as she yawned.

"Then sleep," Evan returned. "I'll be here when you wake up."

She smiled, her eyes closing and her breath shifting back to the rhythms of sleep. Evan settled back to his protective vigil, praying that he'd be able to fulfil that promise.

* * *

**Authors Note 2:**

The song is 'Love is not a fight' by Warren Barfield (I have it under my favourites on youtube if you want to listen). I know that there were a couple of stories featuring bedside vigil's of a sort a while back and that might be part of why I stalled on this, hesitating adding another similar scenario to what's already out there. But this is what I planned and aspects of it are crucial for my final chapter so I decided to stick with it. And yes, I am aware that there are elements of the chapter that are completely implausible - but I don't care! *grins* Oh, and I'm also aware that I could have interpreted the song I chose in a completely different way - but taking the most literal meaning fit what I was trying to do with the chapter.

Exploring a different kind of Lorne has been interesting - I hope you agree ...


	6. Consequences

**Authors Note:**

I have no real idea of the inner workings of the military and so again this chapter could be full of implausibility - googling only gets you so far, so please forgive any such errors or inaccuracies. I've been under the weather this week and so I hope those who reviewed last chapter will forgive my not having replied as yet - I figure the last chapter is probably more important to you anyway. Thank you for those reviews - I will get to replies soon.

**Chapter 6: Consequences**

Consciousness came gradually. At first it was the unfamiliar noises Amy noticed – beeps and clicks, muffled sounds of people moving around, and quiet murmurs of conversation. Her memory was slow to kick start too but in a rush it all came back – the few minutes after she woke up the first time. Evan, an unfamiliar hospital, and the feeling that important days in both their lives had passed without her full awareness.

Forcing her eyes open Amy recognised the same hospital from ... whenever it was she'd last been awake. The weight of something warm over her fingers drew her attention and she smiled on seeing Evan. Her husband was asleep with one cheek resting on his folded arms, a hand over hers, his posture hunched from the chair he sat in to the edge of her bed. The dark smudges under his eyes and the troubled expression he was wearing, even in sleep, drained her smile, leaving only concern behind.

He'd been through something in those important days, something she feared would have long lasting consequences.

Shifting her hand she rested her palm over his hair – her hand trembled a little, prompting her to take stock of herself. She felt weak, a little breathless, and a little vague – a pain killer kind of vague that suggested greater pain awaited once the drugs had worn off. Despite all that she felt surprisingly good for someone who'd been in an accident as serious as Evan had suggested.

"Mmm?"

Amy ruffled her hand through Evan's hair as he woke, wincing with him when he groaned aloud as he sat up. Running a hand over his face, his eyes zeroed in on her, assessing. He must have liked what he saw because he smiled. "Hey. How long have you been awake?"

"A minute or two," Amy replied. "You look tired. How much sleep did _you _get?"

Their eyes met, Evan's smile dropping away as he looked at her. The blue of his eyes intensified and for one horrifying instance she thought he was going to break down into tears.

"What?" she reached out her hand, not reassured when he took it and held on a little too tightly. "What is it?"

Evan swallowed visibly – she watched him gather himself, impressed as always at his control. "I almost lost you," he said starkly, his voice gravelling when he said 'lost'.

"I'm here," Amy wanted to know everything that had happened but for now it seemed more important to reassure him. "I feel fine, honestly."

"I know ... I just ... I won't forget how close we came, not for a long time."

"I'm sorry," Amy began.

"No!" Evan leaned forward, putting a hand to her cheek and caressing it softly. "_No _– none of this was your fault, okay?"

"Okay," Amy felt more concern building on top of what she already felt. None of _what_ wasn't her fault?

"Major Lorne?"

Evan turned to the doorway and straightened when he saw the person standing there. A blonde woman, a few years older than Evan, dressed in blue BDU's much the same as the ones Evan was currently wearing. Amy's confusion increased – was she at Evan's military base? Why would they bring her here of all places?

"Ma'am," Evan returned, standing.

"General Landry would like to see you," the woman said. Her tone was almost gentle but Evan stiffened, his eyes shooting to Amy before he nodded.

"I have to do this," he said, leaning down until he could speak close to her ear. "I love you," he whispered, kissing her temple. "I'll be back when I can." And then he straightened and without a backward glance strode from the room.

Amy stared after him, scared for both of them but not knowing why. The woman who'd come to deliver the message also turned to leave. "Wait!" Amy called out. "Evan didn't get to telling me anything and ..."

"and you'd like to know where you are, among other things," the woman finished. Approaching she smiled. "Colonel Samantha Carter."

"Amy Lorne," Amy returned, even though she knew everyone was probably already aware of her identity. Now that the other woman was closer, Amy realised that she looked familiar, even though she was almost sure she'd never met the Colonel. "Can you please tell me where I am, what's going on? Why did the General want to see Evan?"

"I'll tell you what I can," Sam returned, "but some of it is Major Lorne's to reveal."

"Right now I'd appreciate anything you can tell me," Amy replied gratefully.

"Of course," the Colonel nodded. "Well, to begin, you're in the infirmary at Cheyenne Mountain air force base. Major Lorne brought you here last night when the doctors at Colorado hospital made it clear they couldn't help you."

"But the doctors here could?" Amy queried, surprised.

"That's right," Sam smiled. "We have access to ... experimental medical technology. Major Lorne was aware of that which is why he brought you here."

Amy nodded, putting it all together in her head. "Evan broke the rules bringing me here, didn't he?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," Sam said simply, "but for the best of intentions."

"Will that count for anything?"

"In all honesty I don't know," Colonel Carter replied. "Bringing a civilian onto a military base without clearance is a serious offence. I wish I could tell you there won't be consequences for your husband but ..."

"but that might not be true," Amy finished weakly, her thoughts buzzing inside her head chaotically. Evan had risked his entire career to bring her here – to save her life. The thought of the possible consequences staggered her. She wasn't sure what he'd do if he couldn't be an air force officer any more. It defined him – serving his country, flying, being in command of something that helped people - all of it was integral to who Evan was. He'd never wanted to do anything else.

"No," Sam agreed sadly. "I'm very glad to see you doing so much better Mrs. Lorne."

"Amy, please," Amy invited, distracted by her thoughts. "Is there anything I can do to help Evan?" she asked.

"Aside from following Doctor Lam's instructions for getting better, not really," Carter replied. "General Landry may wish to speak to you, but given you were unconscious during Major Lorne's entry to the base, you can't serve as a witness."

"Right, of course," Amy acknowledged. She stared at the sheets covering her, uncertain of what she should do next.

"He won't blame you," Sam said softly. "Whatever happens. I've seen that same determination to save someone before – men like that _never_ second guess themselves."

Amy nodded ... there was nothing she could say to that ... she knew how determined Evan could be, how rarely she could shift him once he'd decided on a course of action. She looked up at the Colonel – instead of seeing Sam as she was though, her image was overlaid with a golden glow, one that engulfed Amy too. That feeling of familiarity returned, even stronger.

"Do I ... have we met before Colonel?" Amy asked uncertainly.

"Before last night you mean?" Sam queried, frowning when Amy nodded. "No. Why do you ask?"

"You look familiar," Amy admitted, "but more like something I dreamt than anything real. Everything was ... glowy." Amy chuckled. "Listen to me – I know how silly that sounds. Forget I said anything, please."

"It's fine," Carter smiled reassuringly. "What do you do for a living Amy?" she asked, a clear change of subject Amy appreciated under the circumstances.

"I'm between projects at the moment," Amy gave her stock standard answer and then shook her head. "The truth is I lost my job. The company I worked for since college closed its doors a couple of months ago. It hasn't been easy finding another position that doesn't require me to relocate."

"And you want to stay in Colorado Springs," Sam understood immediately. "What field are you looking in, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Interior decorating," Amy shrugged. "I'd just decided to broaden myself to include anything with computers." Sam's eyes narrowed in interest, compelling Amy to explain further. "My degree actually had nothing to do with interior design – I specialised in spatial digital recognition software design. In Home Design were just the only company willing to give my program a chance." She smiled. "People like being able to visualise what the finished product will look like and I was just grateful for the chance to continue working on my own project."

"It sounds like something with much wider applications than interior design," Sam commented.

Amy would have said more but another stranger, this one wearing a white lab coat that announced 'doctor' approached. "Mrs Lorne, it's good to see you awake. I'm Doctor Caroline Lam. How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly good," Amy replied. "I'm just waiting for the pain killers to wear off, but so far they seem to be going strong."

Colonel Carter and the doctor exchanged glances and Caroline smiled. "We haven't given you any pain relief since last night. The treatment you received is extremely effective. Aside from a general feeling of lethargy and the need for additional rest, you should be feeling very much like your usual self. You'll need to remain here for another day or so, and then take it easy for at least another week after that, but your recovery should be smooth from here on out."

"Wow," Amy felt a little dazed by the news. "Evan mentioned an accident?"

"That's right," Doctor Lam agreed. "You underwent treatment at Colorado Hospital initially, and then additional treatment here. I'm sorry but I'm not at liberty to discuss the details with you as yet. What I can tell you is that you'll make a full recovery very quickly. You have much to thank your husband for."

"Yes I do," Amy felt close to tears all of a sudden. The smile she gave the doctor trembled – Caroline put a bracing hand over hers and squeezed.

"Worrying isn't good for your recovery," she advised kindly. "I'm sure everything will work out ... for both of you."

"I hope so," Amy said fervently.

"Now, Colonel Carter and I will leave you to get some rest," Doctor Lam ordered. "Press the call button if you need anything."

"Thank you," Amy said, watching both women walk away before she relaxed back into the pillow. The future seemed uncertain in a way it never had before. Sure, Evan was stationed remotely and there was always the fear that the unspeakable would happen, but in the midst of that there were things she could count on. That's he'd be a constant in her life, support her goals, be the one so sure of his course that she couldn't help but feel sure about the future herself. Now she was left wondering ... what next?

* * *

Evan left Amy's bedside, going over in his mind what he could say to General Landry that would make his actions sound defensible ... and coming up with nothing. His footsteps didn't slow though, and he arrived at General Landry's door moments later, feeling unprepared for what would happen next.

"Sir," he announced his presence, standing to attention in the doorway.

"Major," Landry replied. "Come in ... close the door behind you."

"Yes Sir," Lorne did as he was told, standing to attention in front of the General's desk, keeping his expression stoic.

"Infiltrating a military base, bringing in a civilian without clearance," Landry got straight into it, stern and disappointed all at once. "Risking the ongoing secrecy of the Stargate Program. What were you thinking Major?"

Evan looked at his superior office for a moment. "Permission to speak freely Sir?"

"Speak, for God's sake man, speak," Landry shot back irritably. "Explain this to me Major, because I sure as hell wouldn't have expected you, of all people, to be so reckless!"

"They'd written Amy off Sir," Lorne said starkly. "My wife was as good as dead in the eyes of her doctors but I knew that if I could just get Colonel Carter to try the healing device, I could give her a chance." He met Landry's eyes squarely. "I knew that what I was doing was wrong – I'm not denying that – but I can live with the consequences better than I could have lived with letting my wife die Sir. I asked Colonel Carter for help even though I knew she wouldn't be able to give it, and then I just ... I had no choice Sir."

Landry looked at him for a moment and then sighed, his expression still grim. "I'm not condoning what you did Son, but I understand it. Hell, in your place I might have done the same. I don't want to bring the full force of military justice down on you but at the same time we can't allow personal use of top secret resources to go unpunished."

"Sir?" Evan frowned, not sure where Landry was going with this.

"You're too valuable to Atlantis," Landry glared at Evan. "According to Colonel Sheppard he can't run the military there without you."

"You've already spoken to Colonel Sheppard Sir?" Lorne asked, feeling sick all of a sudden. His CO knew what Evan had done? Sure, at the back of his mind he'd known Sheppard would be told but the reality of it was much worse. He respected the Colonel a great deal – it galled to think he'd lost respect in John's eyes.

"Weekly check-in," Landry reminded him. "Doctor Weir also assures me that she has too few natural gene holders for me to court marshall one out of the air force. You've put me in quite a bind Major, and right now I'm not sure what to do with you."

"I'm sorry Sir," Evan said meekly.

The General looked at him assessingly, eyes narrowed over pursed fingers. "How much did you tell your wife?" he asked in a more reasonable tone.

"Nothing," Lorne replied. "I was still stuck on the fact that she's alive and well Sir."

Landry half smiled. "Understandable." He thought for a moment and then continued. "And do you think there's any chance we can return Mrs Lorne to her previous life without revealing anything of what goes on here?"

"Ah," Evan frowned. "To be honest Sir, I don't know. Amy's observant ... smart. She's always been good at putting things together. It depends on how much she's noticed since Colonel Carter healed her."

"Then I guess I'll have to talk to her myself and find out," Landry declared.

"Yes Sir," Evan agreed reluctantly. Amy was completely innocent of his actions – he didn't want her put under stress because of something _he'd_ done.

"Don't worry Major, I know how to talk to someone in your wife's condition," Landry said, amused.

"Of course Sir," Evan rallied to put a confident expression on his face.

"You're dismissed Major ... for now," the General announced abruptly.

"Yes Sir," Lorne straightened, saluted because under the circumstances it seemed the thing to do, and then spun towards the door.

"Oh, and Major," Landry began. "Don't leave the base. I want you close at hand when I do decide what to do with you."

"Yes Sir," Evan nodded and then got out of there while he still could. He'd been gone from the infirmary for too long and he owed Amy some kind of explanation, even if it couldn't be the whole truth. He'd already been hit with a stroke of luck, being allowed his freedom instead of going to the brig like he'd expected.

Amy was sleeping when he got back to the infirmary and Doctor Lam ordered him to go and take care of himself – "a hot shower, proper meal, and sleep, Major" she ordered firmly.

Evan followed those orders because there was nothing else he could do. Despite the buzz of too many thoughts chasing through his head he _did _manage to fall asleep, almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

"Mrs Lorne."

Amy shifted to look at the man who approached her bed. She'd been awake for an hour or so – when she'd asked after her husband Doctor Lam had admitted she'd sent Evan away for food and sleep. Although she desperately wanted to see him Amy was relieved that someone had been there to make him look after himself. Now, after quickly deducing who it was that was addressing her, Amy selfishly wished that Evan _wasn't _taking that much needed rest.

"Yes," she smiled. "General Landry I presume," she added, earning herself a half smile of acknowledgement in return.

"You'll forgive me for saying this Ma'am," Hank began, "but your presence here poses quite the dilemma."

"Because this is a top secret military base?" Amy queried.

"That's one aspect, yes," Landry replied.

"I would never disclose anything to anyone General," Amy stated firmly. "Even without worrying about putting my husband in danger I'm very proud that Evan serves his country. I'd never do anything to dishonour that."

"I wasn't suggesting you would," the General returned. "I do have to ask what you've learned since you've been here."

Amy frowned – she might have been newly recovering from serious injuries and a mysterious treatment, but her mind was still sharp enough to wonder why the commander of the entire base was asking about what she might or might not have noticed about her current location. In a rush she put some of the clues she already had together.

"I'm not sure how but I think that Colonel Carter was responsible for my recovery," she began, "that Evan brought me here because he knew the Colonel would be able to help me where every medical resource of an entire hospital couldn't." She paused, focussed internally. "I saw her – Colonel Carter. There was an orange glow coming from her hand and she directed it over me and somehow ... I got better, just like that."

"Anything else?" Landry queried.

"Not really," Amy hesitated. "Only ... I don't understand how Evan's last leave was delayed and I was told there was no way he could get back any sooner than four weeks and yet I was injured only a few days ago and he's here. Do you have some kind of super fast transport you use in emergencies?"

"Major Lorne was right," General Landry said wryly. "You _are _very observant Mrs Lorne."

"Maybe I guessed right on some of what happened to me here, but I still don't know how," Amy pointed out. "And if knowing even the little I do is going to get Evan in more trouble then I'll gladly forget all of it."

"While I appreciate your candour I don't think it works that way," Hank returned. "What we're doing here is too important to risk someone running around unchecked, with even the level of knowledge you now have."

Amy frowned again. "What does that mean exactly?"

"A non disclosure statement to begin with," General Landry began, "and then the kind of story you've always thought was science fiction."

"I don't ... I don't understand General," Amy admitted.

"You will," Landry straightened, stepping back a pace. "I'll have Major Lorne bring you that paperwork – he can explain the rest."

"Does this mean he won't be penalised?"

General Landry paused. "Do you think he should be?"

"I don't think anyone should be penalised for saving a life General, regardless of what they had to do to achieve that," Amy replied. "I know you don't know me but believe me when I say that I'd feel the same, whether it was my life or anyone else's."

"So you condone breaking rules that are there to protect this country and all of its citizens?" the General asked.

"Of course not," Amy saw at once why the General was so frustrated. "I understand what you're trying to show me General. But there are degrees in everything. Isn't there a way to reward the good while still setting an example for the bad?"

"Perhaps," Landry allowed. "For now, I'll let you return to your rest."

Amy nodded, feeling even more that she no longer understood how the world worked. At least now she had something to look forward to – Evan, his paperwork, and an explanation that seemed sure to change everything.

* * *

Evan was dragged from sleep by the sound of the phone ringing.

"Lorne," he said groggily, trying to wipe the sleep from his mind.

"General Landry would like to see you Major," Walter Harriman replied.

"Right, okay, sure," Evan returned, abruptly wide awake. "I'm on my way."

Back in Landry's office, nervous because he knew the only reason he was there was for the verdict on his punishment to be handed down, Evan waited to hear how bad it was going to be.

"You were right Major," Landry began. "Your wife is remarkably observant, enough that after meeting Colonel Carter she corrected deduced that the Colonel was responsible for her recovery – that being the reason you brought her here."

"I wasn't aware the Colonel stayed to introduce herself," Evan offered with a faint grimace.

"Having spoken to your wife, along with Colonel Carter and Doctor Lam, I'm convinced the best course of action is to have her sign a standard non disclosure statement, after which you will brief her on why it is that she's alive when she herself is now aware that shouldn't be the case."

"Sir?" Evan wasn't sure he'd heard right.

"Tell her about the Stargate Program Major," Landry expanded.

"_All of it?_" Lorne was so surprised he was sure his mouth was hanging open.

"I don't see any other choice," Landry said somewhat irritably. "In this game son there's no such thing as half a secret. Walter should have the paperwork for you within the hour."

"And me Sir?" Lorne asked when nothing further was forthcoming. He'd broken the rules big time, for purely personal reasons. The General couldn't afford to just let that go.

"You seem overly keen to be reprimanded Major," Landry looked amused.

"No Sir," Lorne said blandly. "Just prepared to take responsibility for my own actions, and not to be seen to be encouraging similar actions by others in the future Sir."

"You'll return to Atlantis Major," Landry stated. "You'll work damn hard to prove to me and your supporters that you deserve to be there. Oh, and be resigned to being addressed as Major," the General stated sternly, "because it's going to be a long time before you erase this one from your record, and longer still before you can hope to be considered for promotion."

"Yes Sir. Thank you Sir," Evan tried not to let any of the smile that wanted to break out show. He was actually allowed to let Amy in on the secret of what he'd been doing for the past two years. It was something he'd never considered possible – and an unexpected and probably undeserved bonus from his actions. The fact that he was keeping his job _and _his rank was a lot more than he deserved too, but he'd take it. He'd be grateful and he'd do what General Landry said – he's prove to everyone that the second chance they were giving him wouldn't be wasted.

"Now get out of here," Landry waved a hand towards the door, a faint twinkle in his eyes.

"Yes Sir," Evan stood straight, saluted respectfully, and then took his leave, feeling like the luckiest guy alive.

* * *

In the end it was easy telling Amy the Stargate story. At first she was disbelieving but then he got permission to take her on a slow walk through the base to the Gateroom. Once she saw the Stargate Amy was full of questions he was only too happy to answer. When he got to the part about just how far away he'd been stationed since their engagement, rather than being dismayed she was enthralled.

Given that the Daedalus was the only means of getting back to Atlantis Evan had to wait until its return for his own trip back to the city. That was a blessing because it meant he had plenty of time to see Amy recover, with time left over for the two of them to spend together. But they didn't say all good things come to an end for nothing, and before he was ready his last night on Earth for the foreseeable future loomed over them.

"It helps," Amy told him.

"What does?"

"Knowing where you are," Amy explained. "Knowing that there's a reason for everything taking so long."

"I'm glad," Evan replied, pulling her closer and breathing her in. "It's not helping me," he returned. "I don't want to leave."

"But you will," Amy smiled. "Even more now – you'll go and you'll give it your all because we both know you've made the right choice in the air force, in being a part of the SGC."

"True, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it," Evan complained.

"Oh, poor baby," Amy teased. "Come here and let me make it better."

It had taken a while for him to feel secure enough in her wellbeing and recovery to return to their prior intimacy, but now that they had Evan was more than willing to give them both the kind of send off he'd be remembering for months.

He had an early start the next morning – leaving Amy's house in the wee hours to give himself time to pack his gear. Amy was still asleep when he kissed her goodbye. He stood for a moment at their bedroom doorway, absorbing the sight of her stretched out, her blonde hair messy from sleep and his hands. He'd never wanted to leave less than he did right then. But she'd been right – he had to work to express his gratitude as much as for what he felt he owed the SGC for the soft treatment his crimes had received.

At the SGC he went about his business quickly and efficiently and was ready to beam aboard the Daedalus well ahead of schedule. Plenty of time for a couple of personal goodbyes. He stopped by the infirmary first, to thank Doctor Lam again for looking after Amy. And then he made his way to level 19.

"Ma'am," he greeted Carter with a small smile.

"Major," Sam smiled. "Ready to ship out?"

"I guess," Evan replied. "I felt the need to thank you again for what you did for Amy before I left. I think I'm going to be feeling that way for a long time yet."

"It's not necessary Evan, but I understand that feeling," Sam replied. "Acutally, I'm kind of glad you came down here. There's a new member of staff going to Atlantis with you. I was hoping you'd take them under your wing – look out for them until they find their way."

"Sure, of course," Evan agreed. "I can do that."

"Great," Sam grinned. "I'll just take you to meet them now."

Evan nodded, tagging along as Sam led the way to the briefing room closest to the Stargate. He walked into the room completely unsuspecting, his eyes taking in the figure standing facing the viewing window. The Stargate was visible below but all he saw was the delicate feminine frame dressed in the basic Atlantis civilian uniform, topped by a head of sunny blonde hair.

"Amy?" he asked incredulously.

Amy turned, smiling, her blue eyes alight with mischief and excitement. "Hi," she smiled almost shyly, nervous of his reaction.

"I don't ...," he frowned, looking to Colonel Carter for an explanation.

"It turns out that your wife has something of value to Atlantis beyond keeping you out of trouble Major," Sam began. "Doctor McKay has been trying to document the city's interior but with limited resources hasn't made much progress. People here want to know what the city is like, more than they can get from pictures, schematics, or someone's description. Amy's been hired to adapt her spatial mapping program to Atlantis to create a digital architectural landscape of the city."

"She has?" Evan looked at Amy, amazed. "That's ... you're coming to Atlantis?" he cut to the part that was most relevant to him.

"I'm coming to Atlantis," Amy confirmed. "Colonel Carter offered me the job weeks ago. I should have told you but I wanted to surprise you and ... and I didn't want you trying to talk me out of it. You're not mad are you?"

"No," Evan shot out. "God no! I can't believe I get to have you there, _with _me."

"Amy will report directly to Doctor McKay," Sam interjected. "You'll have no say in any decisions that influence her career so there'll be no cause for accusations of favouritism."

"I ...," Evan looked at Sam wordlessly.

"You're welcome Major," Sam said simply, understanding everything he couldn't say. "Now, you both need to get your gear and be ready to beam out."

"Yes Ma'am," Evan and Amy both returned briskly.

"Sam," Amy rushed forward and hugged the Colonel, whispering something that made Sam smile. Sam nodded and then strode away, leaving them alone.

Evan took Amy's hand and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight. "I can't believe you're doing this," he muttered, pressing his face into her hair.

"Are you kidding?" Amy reared back. "This is the kind of opportunity I used to dream about. I'd do it whether you were there or not," she smiled, the sparkle in her eyes letting him know she was teasing a little.

"Then I'm glad I'll be there to see what you can do," Evan returned.

They hugged again, Evan kissing his wife quickly before they both pulled apart, ready for the next stage in their relationship.

Truly together ... at last.

* * *

"_Peter can you gather the angels all around?  
I'll need everyone to get this down.  
This will not be easy,  
'cos what I'm asking for  
is something we have never tried before.  
Lets make a girl,  
but not just any girl.  
She needs to be perfect, perfect.  
And so beautiful,  
flawlessly divine,  
she needs to define perfection.  
And don't forget the sugar.  
Make it so she's sweet from her head to her feet,  
perfection._

_Go and get the Picasso. He can paint her eyes._  
_Michelangelo can paint her smile._  
_And when they're finally finished,_  
_I want nothing less_  
_than for all of us to stand here breathless._  
_Lets make a girl,_  
_but not just any girl._  
_She needs to be perfect, perfect._  
_And so beautiful,_  
_flawlessly divine,_  
_she needs to define perfection._  
_And don't forget the sugar._  
_Make it so she's sweet from her head to her feet,_  
_perfection._

_All the angels said can we keep her?_  
_She's so beautiful._  
_But God said someone down there needs her,_  
_and he can't live without her, without her._

_She's beautiful,_  
_flawlessly divine,_  
_and yes she defines perfection._  
_Please don't change a thing._  
_It's obvious to me that what I see is ..._

_perfection."_

"What was that?" Amy asked, coming in on the tail end of the music Evan was listening to in their quarters.

"Just a song," he dismissed, grabbing her and pulling her in for a hug. "Something that made me think of you."

"Well, aren't you the charmer?" Amy smiled, clutching his face and pulling him down for a kiss.

Evan complied, marvelling again at how easy it had been for them to establish a life together on Atlantis. Three months in and they were going strong. He'd always been happy in his work but not like this. Pegasus was still dangerous, weird stuff still happened with worrying regularity, but with Amy to 'come home to' everything seemed easier to handle.

He was happy ... content in a way he'd never been before. Amy was too – he didn't need her to tell him that for him to know it was true. It was because they were finally living together – a husband and his wife ... just as they were always meant to be.

**The End!**

**Authors Note:**

The song didn't really play a part in this final chapter so I decided to pick something I love, once again from the wealth of songs by Guy Sebastian. This one is called Perfection, and was written by him for his wife for their wedding day. Aww ... I've added it to my favourites on youtube (ShaViva3) if you'd like to listen.

And so ends my foray into a different kind of Lorne. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for reading.


End file.
